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Top Shelf Marijuana in Durango

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Word abuse should be illegal. That way, if someone said “irregardless” or something else nonsensical, real-life grammar police could come along and issue a citation while the rest of us watched and shook our heads slowly. But grammar police aren’t real, and believe it or not, the word “irregardless” has been added to most unabridged dictionaries simply because it’s been said enough times to become a real word; the definition in Webster’s is “regardless.”

And the idiocy doesn’t stop there: if you look closely enough, you can find “gourmet” foods in the gas station, or “artisanal” meals in the frozen foods aisle. I mean seriously, is a TV dinner actually “artisanal” if you have to microwave it? Does the raw cardboard packaging really mean that what’s inside is somehow better than anything else you find next to the frozen waffles? No. It’s just advertising, word-doctoring, and it’s insidious, when you think about it.

True, I work in sales and advertising, so it’s possible that I’ve gerrymandered semantics a time or two, but in the end, I’ve found that honesty really is the best policy—gas station “gourmet” food will get you sick, and then just a little bit, the word “gourmet” loses some of its meaning, which is the reason word abuse should be illegal in the first place.

It’s no better in the marijuana industry. There are plenty of dispensaries that throw around the word “organic” even though their products are anything but (since marijuana is federally illegal, it isn’t regulated by the FDA, so people use the word “organic” without oversight). But the worst case of word abuse in this industry is the misuse of the term “top shelf marijuana.” It’s frustrating, so please pay attention to this: marijuana cannot be “top-shelf marijuana” just because someone put it on the top shelf. It irks me to no end because at least once a day, someone will come in and ask why our top-shelf strains are costlier than the ones downtown.

I’m always kind to these customers, because after I thought about it for a while, I realized it wasn’t their fault—they’d been lied to thanks to all the false advertising in other Durango dispensaries, and if anything, they deserve the truth (literally, I have a T shirt that says “grammar police” on the front). So, I take my time with these misguided customers, and I tell them this:

At The Greenery, our top-shelf marijuana is on the top shelf because it’s the best cannabis on earth.

My boss would get uber pissed at me if I told you exactly how we operate our grow because that’s the kind of knowledge people pay us to learn, but I can tell you that we’re straight-up scientists: our growers run around and shoot lasers at our plants to make sure the canopy temperature is perfect; we drop particulate gasses on the fanleaves of our plants to help them breathe; we use light-emitting ceramic bulbs and engineered growing mediums and all sorts of super-secret stuff, but I’ve already said too much. My point here is that our buds really are Your Best Buds because there’s no shelf in Durango that’s higher than our top shelf.

Why? The other guys use hydroponics and nasty-ass greenhouse grows just so they can pump out as much mid-range pot as they can. The other guys don’t take their time when they’re trimming or curing. The other guys take subpar pot, slap a “top shelf” label on it, and then piss me off because like I said, word abuse should be illegal. Yes, you’ll pay more for true top-shelf cannabis, but that’s how life works. Good beer costs more than the stuff with a blue ribbon on the front, good food costs more than the frozen stuff, and good marijuana costs more than the pesticide-sprayed stuff that’s sold elsewhere in this town. I’m sure that sounds harsh, but it’s true.

So come see us at our Durango dispensary on 208 Parker Avenue and talk to one of our budtenders. We’ll take our time and show you the difference between our “top shelf” and all the others. We’ll let you smell the difference between ours and theirs, and once you smoke it and taste the terpene-rich awesomeness, the term “top shelf marijuana” will start to mean something again.

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Solventless Saturday Deal

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I love Taco Tuesday. Actually, in the year 2020, Cinco De Mayo falls on a Taco Tuesday, and my calendar is already marked because that day is gunna be epic. But if I’m being honest, I think I like “Taco Tuesday” for the two “tee” sounds instead of the “taco” or the “Tuesday” part, because I’m not really a fan of either one when they’re apart.

But I digress…

My point here is that most day-specific deals are fun because the alliteration makes them sound so cool: we sell a half-priced gram on “Marvelous Monday” when you buy one at full price; “Waxy Wednesday” gets you fifteen percent off shatter and a few other products; “Thankful Thursday” lets you pick any one item to discount by fifteen percent. See what I mean? They’re catchy and fun and easy to remember, just like the rest of our daily deals that you can read about HERE.

However, the weekends have been neglected by The Greenery, and we apologize. Saturdays and Sundays have always been crazy enough given that our cannabis really is the best in town, so we’ve been afraid to add to the mayhem by throwing a discount into the mix. But you know what? Our Hash Factory makes solventless hashes, Saturday is a perfect day to smoke said hashes, and “Solventless Saturday” sounds super-cool thanks to all the susurrations. I might even like it better than taco Tuesday, but that kind of decision takes time to make.

Anyway, as of today (5/12/18), The Greenery will be selling our house-made solventless concentrates for fifteen percent off, and we’ll do so every Saturday because the weekends deserve discounts too, as does anyone who appreciates the purity of a traditional hash. And just in case you don’t know what qualifies as a true “solventless” hash, here’s the list:

  1. Lebanese Hash. This stuff is usually blonde, but that doesn’t matter because it’s the best. We squeeze freakishly-potent kief in a twelve-ton press until it starts to goo together, and then we cut it up and sell it by the gram. A Lebanese Hash high is my favorite because it feels like that first-time high from way-back-when, and it feels like it every time.
  2. Moroccan Hash. We bake our kief to make this one, but I’m not going to tell you how we do it because that’s super-secret stuff (read all about it HERE). The hand-rolled balls of Moroccan we sell at our Durango dispensary are dark and deep, just like a storied hash should be.
  3. Kief Brick. This is the simplest, unadulterated hash on the market, and the taste is like standing in a wind-swept field of cannabis (I might’ve been stretching a bit on that one, but I promise there’s no purer way to add flavor and potency to a bowl than with a dusting of Kief Brick).
  4. Rosin. We make ours with kief instead of flower, so it’s potent. Yes, the taste is robust and the high is insane, but you can handle it. This is the only dabbable concentrate that’s included in our Saturday special, but that’s because Rosin is the only true solventless hash you can dab.
  5. Bubble Hash. All it takes to make bubble hash correctly is a little ice-water, some of the best cannabis on earth, and a few months of trial and error, so don’t try this at home—our Bubble Hash is agitated and strained and cured, and that’s not the type of thing that should be left to amateurs.

I swear to you that the five hashes we’re discounting this Saturday and every Saturday are some of the best products available anywhere. In fact, the hashes we make are so good that they’re sold in about ten percent of all the dispensaries in Colorado, and it only took us a few months on the wholesale market to get there (seriously, look at our map HERE). Isn’t that awesome? Now you can buy some of the best hash in the world directly from the people who make it, and you can do so right here in this tiny mountain town for a price that’s better than you’ll find anywhere else.

So, come see Your Best Buds at our Durango dispensary on 208 Parker Avenue this Saturday for our solventless special. We’re open from ten to nine-thirty, and our hash will be discounted all day just for you, which is way better than tacos on Tuesday, now that I think about it.

Lebanese Hash in Durango

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Some of the world’s best hashish comes from the Bekaa Valley in Lebanon, where cannabis farmers have been dry-aging and pressing kief into bricks since long before hashish made it to America.

However, there’s a problem: hash is illegal in Lebanon, and the Lebanese government routinely bulldozes entire fields that were once sown and harvested by hash-making tribes. And even if this didn’t happen, it’s illegal to import hash into this country from overseas, so authentic Lebanese Hash is one of the scarcest concentrates on the market, and the tradition is slowly fading.

But not in Durango.

At The Greenery Hash Factory, we’ve picked up what the Lebanese farmers are being forced to put down, and now we’re making the best Lebanese Hash this side of the Mediterranean. We start with high-quality, dry-sieved kief just like the source material that comes from the Lebanese marijuana plant, which is one of the rarest strains in the world. We age the kief in a humidity-controlled environment to mimic the aging process in the original version, wherein kief was set aside in cool cellars until the pressing season came along in the winter months. And then we press the kief into large bricks via a proprietary process that darkens the kief and seals in the flavor.

The result is wonderful: it’s a mellow smoke with a fresh and complex taste; this hash is made from all the potent trichomes that house marijuana’s flavor. And Lebanese hash is different from our other products because it isn’t cooked. The simple pressing process melts the trichomes to bind the brick together, but only a minimal amount of heat is generated, so our Lebanese isn’t completely decarboxylated like other hashes such as our Moroccan, and most of the THC remains dormant in its acid form (THCa), just waiting for a flame to release its potency.

But the best part is that you can actually enjoy this hash—you don’t need a passport and a ticket to Lebanon, nor do you need a time machine that’ll take you back to the years when Lebanese Hash was easy to find. You just need to go to the best Durango dispensary, The Greenery, and ask us about our Lebanese Hash. We’re at 208 Parker Avenue, which is a lot easier to find than the Bekaa Valley, and we can’t wait for you to experience the storied tradition that comes along with every gram of our Lebanese Hash, because We’re Your Best Buds!

PAX Era in Durango

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The road is a strange place. It’s liminal, neither here nor there, and time morphs when I travel. So, I turn to the radio, and it always disappoints.

You’d think good songs would make it through the ether in the wide-open places, but it’s mostly static. I’ll click the seek button and watch the green digits cycle in a loop, and when nothing comes in, I feel lost. Stretches without reception feel desolate, alien, hostile, and I’ll speed up a little until something comes through. And when my radio finally finds something in the void, the station is usually old and stale: mariachi music, a sermon of some sort, or classical symphonies. I’ll land on the latter and leave it, doing my best to pretend like I appreciate Mozart, and then I’ll drive through the backwoods of Colorado waiting for something better, clicking the seek button whenever the violins get annoying, listening for something familiar the way I look for landmarks.

Granted, satellite radio is an option, but that’s just more of the same stuff I listen to while I’m at home, and it’s best to leave behind the familiar while traveling. Sure, some music is impossible to escape—that “here I go again” song by Whitesnake always comes on at least once during every trip, making me think about fog machines and women with big hair sitting on expensive cars—but without fail, I’ll hear something new, or learn something new thanks to NPR, and that’s the best part: novelty.

Know what I mean? I travel to hear and see new things, and I think it’s the same for all of us. However, that’s not to say there aren’t a few familiar things that come with me on every trip: my cowboy boots, my vintage North Face backpack, and marijuana. Fun, right? But marijuana isn’t exactly travel-friendly, if you know what I mean—the stuff stinks, so I usually bring edibles and my vaporizer, which is also something novel.

It still blows me away that we have marijuana vaporizers nowadays, because the word “vaporizer” sounds super futuristic, like “ray-gun” or “teleporter.” But they’re here now and they’re awesome. I’m in Boulder right now, doing my best to spread the word about The Greenery Hash Factory’s ridiculously good solventless concentrates, and I brought my PAX Era with me, which I love so much that it’s about to become just as necessary as my lucky backpack. And we just started selling PAX Pods and PAX Era batteries at our Durango dispensary, The Greenery, so this week, I figured I should tell you about them.

The vape pens most people are used to have a threaded cartridge that screws onto the battery, but the PAX Era is different in that you just plug the cartridge into the top, no righty-tighty necessary. And most vaporizers use a single ceramic element or a wick to heat the oil, but the PAX system uses two wicks which means you can make the hits twice as strong as usual (if you’re in to that sort of thing). But the best part about the PAX system is the smart battery.

Yes, “they” have officially made a Bluetooth smart-battery for smoking marijuana. There’s even an app you can download for your phone that’ll connect to these batteries, and it’ll allow you to adjust your vape-pen’s temperature remotely, track the number of hits you get per pod, and lock your battery with the push of a button. Isn’t that crazy? That means you can take a hit from your vape pen, lock it with your smartphone, and then leave your PAX Era out on the coffee table. Your kids or your roommates (or anyone else who can’t see the line between “mine” and “yours”) won’t be able to pick it up and smoke when you’re not looking. It’s insane how far we’ve come technologically speaking in this industry in such a short period of time.

But I’ll admit, the PAX Era is a little tricky to figure out in the beginning, so here’re the answers to the two most common questions I get in our shop about how to use the PAX system:

Q: How do I know if my battery is charged?

A: Most batteries come with a partial charge, but to check it, all you need to do is shake your PAX battery. The petals on the front will light up: one lighted petal means your battery is almost dead, and four means it’s charged completely. If you see only one lighted petal when you shake the battery, plug it in with the provided USB charger and let it sit for about an hour.

Q: I’m getting weak hits, so how do I change my pen’s temperature?

A: Most people use the smartphone app, but it isn’t necessary. Just follow these steps:

1.) Insert the PAX Pod into the top of your battery and then give your pen a shake; the petals will light up.

2.) As soon as the petals light up, quickly remove the pod. The petals will start cycling through the temperature settings.

3.) As soon as the petals display the temperature setting you want, quickly put the pod back into the battery to lock in the temperature setting (the setting colors are listed in the pamphlet that comes with every battery).

And frankly, that’s all you need to know. As soon as you master the battery check and temperature change, the PAX Era vape pen is one of the most reliable, user-friendly systems available—there isn’t even a button to press when you’re using your vape pen because these things are automatically activated when you start to inhale. I couldn’t be more impressed.

At The Greenery, our Durango dispensary, we’re selling the PAX Era batteries for $30 before tax (which is a damn good deal), and we’re selling the double-wick pods for $55 before tax. Each pod contains 500mg of concentrate (Sativa oil, Indica oil, or distillate). And if you’d like to learn more about the PAX Era or see a demonstration as to how they work, simply come see Your Best Buds at 208 Parker Avenue, and we’ll show you something new for the next time you go down the only road you’ve ever known (Whitesnake!).

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April’s Durango Dispensary Sale Days

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Everybody thinks he or she knows the origin story of April Fools’ day. Sometimes, it’s about one group of people making fun of another group, like that story about the sixteenth-century Parisians (who celebrated New Year’s Day on January first) who made fun of the rural townsfolk because they’d always celebrated the New Year on April first. Or it has something to do with Chaucer and that ridiculous poem he wrote centuries ago. Or it comes from a religious text, or some obscure wartime victory in the Netherlands when one side or the other lost a battle on April first. It’s never the same.

Isn’t that strange? All the other holidays in this country come along with a dubious explanation we’ve all agreed upon since childhood, and yet everyone’s explanation for April Fools’ Day is different. But in a poetic little twist, even though all the origin stories seem contradictory, they’re all true. For some reason, people just like to play tricks on other people in the spring, and they do so in every country: all the different origin stories come from different places on the globe, because our species has always been wily in the spring.

Why? My theory is simple: we’re just animals. We’re instinctual. We perk up in the spring just like all the other mammals on this planet, and we do stuff that we couldn’t do thanks to winter. Some species migrate, some grow antlers, and some stretch saranwrap over toilets because messes are funny, I guess.

But April does feel different, when you think about it. It’s a heady month, with all that new heat in the air, and something atavistic wakes up inside each of us and wants to go for a walk, preferably with a joint. And April is going to be one hell of a month for us here at The Greenery, so if you get the urge to go on that walk (or if you don’t have a joint), you should definitely come see us on these dates:

March 31st: Durango is having its first Cannabis Crawl. For the record, I get that “cannabis” and “crawl” sound cool next to each other, but nobody crawls after getting high like those drunk fools who crawl from pub to pub, so maybe they should’ve gone with “weed walk” or “bud bounce” or “ganja gallop.” Oh well. But we’re a part of the Cannabis Crawl here at The Greenery, and we’ll be selling one gram of Greenery-grown bud for $10 before tax to all you crawlers, but we’re limiting it to one gram per customer, because after hitting so many dispensaries, we don’t want you to go over your legal carry and purchase limit of one ounce.

April 10th: It’s our Birthday! Seriously, three years ago, The Greenery opened its dispensary doors and started slanging legal weed, and since then, we’ve mastered the game. But if you come by and see us on our birthday, we’ll get you something: 20% off everything in the store, and $4.20 pre-rolled joints before tax (limited to two per customer).

April 20th: Yes, it’s 4/20 once again (click HERE to learn why that matters), and all day on April 20th, this Durango dispensary will be selling everything in the store for 20% off, and if you spend more than $50 before tax, we’ll throw in a $1 joint.

Nice, isn’t it? No gimmicky jokes, no April tricks, just a month of specials on the best marijuana in Colorado, because We’re Your Best Buds, and that’s an origin story all of Durango knows.

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The Closest Durango Dispensary to Farmington

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I lived in Farmington for seven years and I know about all the wonderful things you guys have hidden down there. I know about all the hole-in-the-wall meat markets that sell authentic Mexican ingredients. I know about all the spectacular trails that crisscross the desert like sandy latticework throughout Chokecherry Canyon. I know about your sweltering summer days and your mild winter nights and your hard-working blue-collar culture, but unfortunately, I also know that for you, recreational marijuana is illegal.

Here in Durango, Colorado, we can smoke pot all we want because we’re just a little bit closer to the freedom we sing about before football games. And someday, New Mexico will be there too. You’ll have dispensaries and sensible laws, and if we wanted to, Durango and Farmington could pass blunts back and forth across the border. But you’re not there yet, so for now, you need to visit Colorado to purchase marijuana legally.

The Durango Greenery is the closest dispensary to Farmington, or any of northwest New Mexico for that matter, and we appreciate our customers from the south. Your business matters. We’ll give you the same loyalty card we give locals and we’ll treat you as if you were our next-door neighbor, because if you think about it, the hour-long drive that separates us doesn’t mean much—we’re just human beings who share a river and a fondness for marijuana.

So, come see us. We’re located at 208 Parker Avenue in Durango, Colorado, just north of the border, and if you need directions, simply call us at (970) 403-3710. We’ll tell you to head north on Highway 550 and once you cross the Animas River, take a right onto E Turner Dr. passing by the movie theater, then take a right to wrap under 550 and onto the Frontage Rd.  Make a left on Turner at Morehart Murphy Chevrolet. Next, take a left on Parker Ave, and then drive to the cul-de-sac at the end. There’s no way you’ll be able to miss our signs and flagging, and we have plenty of discrete parking. We’re open nightly until nine-thirty (except on Sundays when we close at seven), and we’ll be waiting right here for our friends from the south, because We’re Your Best Buds too.

*Please remember that under current law, it is illegal to leave Colorado with any marijuana products.* So stay awhile!

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February’s Best Bud of the Month

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Clay Siekman, aka ‘The Pot Whisperer’
Cultivation Plant Manager

About your Best Bud:

Clay is a pot whisperer. He hasn’t worked behind the counter for a while because he took over at our grow, but back in the day, people simply didn’t know how lucky they were when they bought pot from Clay. They’d come in, look at the ten strains on our menu for a minute, and then they’d say something like:

“Which one would you recommend?”

“Um, what type of high are you looking for?” Clay would ask. He’d always hold his chin between his thumb and forefinger like a detective, the other hand on his hip.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Clay would say, usually with a gesticulation or two, “are you looking for something relaxing? Something energetic?”

And this is where customers would mess up; they simply didn’t know they were talking to a pot whisperer who could tell them exactly what type of high came from each strain. Seriously, you should read this guy’s strain reviews—they’re precise and profound, almost like they were written by a sage who divined the essence of each strain with a spell of some sort.

If those customers would’ve realized who they were dealing with, they could’ve said something like, “I’d like a strain that goes well with old action movies on a Tuesday night,” or, “the left side of my head hurts and I want the perfect pot to pair with tacos.” And then Clay could’ve instantly suggested the most fitting strain available.

He really does know pot that well, but now, you should get to know him:

Q. When did you start working for The Greenery?
Clay. “October of 2016.”

Q. What’s your favorite way to enjoy marijuana?
Clay. “I love bongs. And my favorite strain is Green Crack, which is wonderful because we’re growing it right now, and we should have it ready to sell in our dispensary in a few months. But if I had to pick an edible, it’d be the Coda coffee and donuts that we sell at the shop.”

Q. What’s your favorite outdoor activity?
Clay. “Skiing, hiking, camping.”

Q. Tell us about your pet.
Clay. “I have a thirteen-years-old pug named Buddy. All he does is sleep and eat all day; he’s fat and old.”

Q. Which station do you stream while you’re working at The Greenery?
Clay. “Hip-hop jams!”

Q. What do you like most about working at The Greenery?
Clay. “I love the community that’s been built up around this industry. It’s great. I love being around likeminded people, both behind the counter and in front of it. Everyone who’s involved in this industry is incredible, and I love being a part of it.”

Frankly, this industry should love that Clay is a part of it, not the other way around, because the guy is a blessing. It took him about a year and a half to climb through our ranks, morphing from the shy kid behind the counter into the confident man running every aspect of our cultivation facility, and we’re just lucky he’s part of our brand.

And it’s not like a few of the regulars didn’t figure out that Clay was a pot whisperer, because after he left for greener pastures, people would come in and ask for him by name—they wondered where that “nice kid who gives good advice” went, and many of them missed the expert guidance he gave. Of course, his shoes were filled by other budtenders who are equally passionate about pot, and of course, we’d rather have Clay right where he is, whispering to our plants as they grow under his expert care. And that’s why Clay Siekman is Your Best Bud for February. Congratulations, Clay!

 

January’s Best Bud of the Month, or “Ms. January”

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TJ Grau
Budtender, Dispensary Mom

About your Best Bud:

You know that type of life everybody wants to live, but few people ever do because they’re too afraid? Well, TJ took that type of life by the hair and dragged it along behind her. Seriously, this woman has stories. From performing anal cavity checks as a nurse in a Key West prison to loading ammunition for Desert Storm, from being a ranch hand to the type of bartender who pours shots while walking back and forth on the bar, she’s done everything. Literally. Frankly, selling pot for a living is just another box to be checked for the female version of that interesting guy in those Dos Equis commercials, and this introduction simply isn’t going to do TJ justice, so it’s best to just jump right into the Q&A:

Q. When did you start working for The Greenery?
TJ. “July of last year. Now I’ve worked here for six months!”

Q. What’s your favorite way to enjoy marijuana?
TJ. “I love the bong, and I love loading it with Pakistani from our grow. And sometimes, I like to put a little sativa Moroccan Hash in it too, just to get that sativa and indica high.”

Q. What’s your favorite outdoor activity?
TJ. “Fishing. Definitely. I looooove fishing. That, and painting.”

Q. Tell us about your pet.
TJ. “My favorite pets are tall, dark, and handsome. I have one right now that looks good in a pair of Wranglers.”

Q. Which station do you stream while you’re working at The Greenery?
TJ. “Probably the blues.”

Q. What do you like most about working at The Greenery?
TJ. “I love selling pot, I really, really do, and I love the people I work with. Everybody at The Greenery is my Colorado family.”

And it really does feel that way. When we sat down to do this quick and dirty interview, TJ first made sure I wasn’t hungry, offering me a zucchini brownie or “maybe something else a little later,” since I was full right then. She’s always doing that, walking around with genuine care written on her face, trying to pump us all full of soup or snacks or motherly love, and it makes everyone feel warm and welcome. She can erase anxiety from the face of a first-time shopper with a smile and a pet name like “honey,” and the Google reviews for TJ keep rolling in, written by people who spent only moments with her, but were moved so deeply that they went home and took the time to write something about the kind woman with sparkling eyes who loved selling them pot.

The truth is that TJ’s presence has changed this place. She always walks in with a laugh and asks everyone how they’re doing in an empathetic way that doesn’t sound like small talk; she’s always congratulating coworkers for their successes, or offering advice to ward off failures; she’s always complimenting and hugging and doing those little things that make the workday wonderful. Hell, even the music changed when TJ started working at The Greenery—she leavened our alternative nonsense with blues and old-school grit—and we’re forever in her debt for the life she pumped into our team. And that’s why TJ Grau is Your Best Bud for January (or “Ms. January,” as she’s been calling herself lately). So, thank you, TJ, you’re fearless and a true friend to the rest of us, and we’re honored to have you as our Best Bud!

Our Ganja Goddess!

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The Greenery 3.0

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It’s been a while since I gave you a peek behind our leafy curtain, the way I did in that #DispoLife piece from a few months back, so I figured now would be a perfect time to do it again, because things are changing at The Greenery.

For one, I don’t get to sit crisscross-applesauce in the corner of that fake leather couch I told you about anymore—they gave me a real desk with a chair and a stapler and a trashcan just like all the other grownups have (I stole the trashcan). Instead of that laptop screen that once stared back at me as I wrote, now I have three monitors; it feels like I’m piloting a spaceship instead of checking my email. And now things are quieter in the warehouse than they were when we last chatted, because my desk is the only one back here, but I’ll still tell you what you would see if you were sitting right next to me…

Now the floor is covered with one of those plush, ersatz Persian rugs, the kind that makes you want to walk around in your socks, and it almost goes wall-to-wall. That couch I love so much sits on top of it, and there’s a coffee table right where it should be, covered with a pile of legal paperwork. Our inventory shelving still covers the walls, but now you can see places where someone has applied this or that swatch of paint, trying the color on for size. I’m still not sure if this room will end up as grey or green, but either way, things are changing, just like I said.

I can hear Karen somewhere up above me, clicking away on her keys as she tracks the numbers that flow in and out of this place like liquid digits, and Ashley sounds like she’s right next to her, talking confidently in her legalese. If I were to walk out of this warehouse and down the hall, Joel’s and Brian’s office would still be the first door I found. It almost seems like that room is the only constant in this business: Joel still lives in there, the far-reaching visionary who’s steering this company towards something everyone who works here was lucky to fall into, and Brian is still right there too, using his even-keeled attention to detail to make sure this company is the epitome of perfect.

The next office, the one that might as well not have a door, is my favorite because it’s always full of friendliness. Melissa is in there now instead of up front because she was promoted to Retail Operations Manager (now she’s the head cheese just like her dad), and Faith sits at the other desk, wearing her new title of Chief Marketing Officer right along with that smile of hers that spreads from face to face whenever she walks into one of our meetings. Actually, wait…

Did you know that everyone you’ve met in this blog so far has a college degree? I’m sorry for breaking the narrative so abruptly right there, but recently, a certain someone on the national stage did this industry a disfavor, and he tried to paint as villains those of us who sell pot legally, doing his best to pawn us off as illicit miscreants. But we’re not. We’re parents; we’re educated professionals; we’re tax-paying Americans who’d like to think that we live in a democracy, a real one where we can vote for laws that work, and I’m not a fan of the stereotyping that’s come our way.

Just for fun, I want you to picture in your head someone who sells pot. Who do you see? A bad guy? Someone who looks like their last photoshoot was a mugshot? I don’t—I see one of the professional budtenders I work with daily, someone who deserves respect and a voice and constitutional rights. You know, all that stuff politicians talk about when microphones are in their faces, but then forget about just as soon as the election cycle dies. Granted, the budtenders at The Greenery are a step above the rest (sorry, it’s true), but just about everybody in this industry is working to keep things compliant and clean, and that troll I told you about on the national stage needs to slink back into his cave.

Anyway, the next room down the hallway is Zach’s, and now, he’s growing with this company (just like the weed he weighs for you daily) thanks to his new responsibilities. Savanna and Libby share the front office right across from Zach’s pre-weigh room (the office you see to your right as soon as you walk in our front door), and if you’ve been here before, you know these two: Libby is the one who’s always running from point A to point B, hustling like crazy for this company, and Savanna is the tall one who never fails to be affable when our front door dings.

Next comes the dispensary itself, and you’ve probably seen a few new faces behind the counter if you’ve come in lately, you know, because New Year, new us, or something like that. TJ is the warm motherly type, and she loves selling pot. Seriously, she loves it, but I won’t tell you too much about her because she gets a post all to herself next week. Jonathan is taller than Savanna (or at least I think he is; it’s difficult to tell from down here), and he’s a pot sommelier in his own right, always telling customers exactly what type of high to expect with this or that flower. Chris is the newest ninja on our team; he’s the calm one who’s always quick to pick you up with a laugh. And Noah is up there too, doing anything and everything that needs to be done on our dispensary floor with professionalism; I like to think Noah is going places with this company.

And that’s it. Don’t worry, Clay is still with us, getting his hands dirty at our grow while Mike fills his head with equal portions of knowledge and hilarity, and Sloane is still with us too, “rockin’ balls” of Moroccan hash for The Greenery Hash Factory while Chitty puts up with her shenanigans, smiling all the while like a patient parent.

Holy shit… for real, I love this team: I love my job, and I love being a part of The Greenery. We’re all bona fide professionals, living and working around legal marijuana for the first time in our lives, and we all share a kindred vision, which is a rare thing in any industry. Above it all, we all work hard, we work well as a team, and we do it all for you, our customers, because We’re Your Best Buds, and that’s something that’ll never change.

Take a look at our amazing Greenery team!

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Colorado Marijuana Laws

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Every so often, after I’ve sold someone marijuana in our dispensary and handed over his or her order, he or she will look at me as if they’ve been left holding the bag (quite literally). He or she will hold their pot like it might bite, and then he or she will confess: “Um… this is my first time buying marijuana legally… what’re the rules?”

Honestly, I’ve had to assure customers in the past that they wouldn’t be arrested as soon as they left—as if our store were nothing more than a trap rigged by the man—and I understand; one hundred years’ worth of nonsensical marijuana laws are bound to make the first-time shopper a little nervous. So, when I encounter the “now what?” type of question, I always do my best to assuage the fears associated with purchasing marijuana, and I give those first-time shoppers a little legal lecture that goes something like this:

“Here at The Greenery, we always staple your bag shut with the receipt on the outside—as soon as we do this, your purchase becomes a ‘closed container,’ and so long as you keep it that way and out of the driver’s reach, you’re good-to-go regarding traffic stops.” At this point, I usually staple the bag for emphasis, and then I continue…

“And it’s perfectly legal to possess the amount I’ve sold you. But in case you were wondering, in Colorado, you can legally possess a maximum of either one ounce of marijuana flower, eight-hundred milligrams of edibles, eight grams of concentrate, or any combination thereof that does not exceed the ‘marijuana equivalency rules.’ For example, you’re allowed to have on your person a half-ounce of flower, two grams of concentrate, and two-hundred milligrams of edibles. But you don’t need to worry about that when you shop here because we will never sell you more in a single transaction than you’re allowed to possess.” This is usually when my fearful first-timer will start to relax…

“Also, you must be 21 or over with a valid ID proving as much to purchase or possess marijuana, but you already knew that because I carded you when you walked in the door. And it’s important to remember that it’s a felony to give or sell marijuana to a minor.”

For the record, this is one of the longstanding marijuana laws that I agree with wholeheartedly. I have a teenaged daughter, and another one who isn’t far behind, so I have strong opinions when it comes to children and marijuana. And just like with alcohol, kids will walk around “tapping shoulders,” as they call it, asking grownups to go to the dispensary for them. It’s important for first-timers and regulars alike to know that saying “yes” is a federal offence, and at The Greenery, we simply will not sell to a customer who we suspect might’ve had his or her shoulder tapped. Anyway, moving on…

“When it comes to driving, it’s important to remember that it’s illegal for a driver or passenger to consume or use marijuana in a vehicle, and just like with alcohol, it’s illegal to drive under the influence of marijuana. The legal limit is five nanograms of THC per milliliter of blood, and it’s very easy to get to this limit, so please don’t smoke and drive.”

At this point, the first-timer is usually completely at ease, but they might have a follow up question or two, like, “well, if I can’t smoke in my car, where can I smoke?”

“Well,” I say, “it’s illegal to consume marijuana in public. You’re only allowed to smoke or consume marijuana on private property with the property owner’s permission. If you’re staying at a hotel, just ask someone at the front desk if it’s okay, because plenty of the establishments in Durango are 420 friendly.”

And that’s about it. I’ll ask if there are any other questions, I’ll answer them if there are, and then the first-timer and I will part ways, usually with a handshake. Today, I simply wanted to be proactive and write about Colorado’s marijuana rules and regulations because you might be a potential first-timer, and this is stuff you need to know. But if it’s still a little foggy, just check out Good to Know for more information. Or, if you’d prefer, just stop by our dispensary; we have flyers in our store you can take for free that sum up everything you just read. And as always, please don’t ever be afraid to come in and ask one of our affable budtenders about the rules and regulations. We’ll make sure your first-timer frown turns upside-down, because We’re Your Best Buds, and that’s what we do.