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The History of Cannabis

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I lied to you.

I promised that this week, I’d write something light after that post about the history of cannabis prohibition which was followed by that piece about the endocannabinoid system, and yet here I sit, about to write something about the history of cannabis. So, I apologize. However, in my never-ending fight to normalize legal marijuana and smash the unfortunate stigma that comes along with it, I figured that this week, I should prove to you that people have been smoking pot throughout recorded history, and there’s not a damn thing wrong with it. But I promise to keep this brief, so let’s get started…

We’ve all thought about it, but seriously, who was the first guy to eat an oyster? Was he simply hungry when he did it, driven to do something disgusting because of starvation? Don’t get me wrong, I love oysters, but only because I know they’re safe—if I’d never seen an oyster before, I’d imagine it’d come across as a weird rock full of slimy meat. That’s probably what the first guy thought right before slurping it down, but I’m glad he took the risk because we’ve all benefited from it. And pot is the same way: who was the first guy to light it on fire and breathe in the smoke?

Don’t know. But the first guy to write about the stuff was Emperor Fu Hsi from China. This guy was the East’s version of Leonardo da Vinci: Fu Hsi lived almost five thousand yeas ago, but he pretty much invented martial arts, he domesticated animals, he standardized Chinese writing, and he wrote about cannabis as a medicine. He probably didn’t smoke it—it was most likely mixed into a tea, just like ginseng—but he wrote about “Ma” (the Chinese word for cannabis) all the time, and he believed it to be a powerful medicine (just like last week, if you’d like to read more of the information I used to write this, click HERE).

The first bona fide stoners were the Scythians; a nomadic tribe credited with bringing marijuana to Europe about two-thousand years ago. And these guys didn’t mess around. They’d fill a bowl full of pot, light it on fire, bring it into a tent, close the flap, and breathe deeply until the fire burned out; the Scythians invented the hotbox long before you did it in college.

As to the Americas, the Jonestown settlers brought hemp to the New World in the early sixteen-hundreds. George Washington grew it on Mount Vernon, everybody used it to make rope and textiles, and as to cannabis, it was smoked recreationally and considered to be a medicine all the way up until the early nineteen-forties when the false propaganda I told you about two weeks ago started to spread.

And that brings us to where we’re at today: living and playing happily in Colorado where weed is legal once again, just as it should be, just as it was for Fu Hsi, the Scythians, and the founders of this country. Wonderful, right? But if you’d rather smoke pot that read a history lesson about it, come into our Durango dispensary that’s located at 208 Parker Avenue right here in Bodo Park, and we’ll sell you some without a lecture like the one you just read, because We’re Your Best Buds!

Why is Marijuana Illegal?

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Well, it isn’t in Colorado, but we’re much smarter than those federal people who can’t seem to figure out that pot is just a plant. However, it’s not really their fault when you think about it because ignorance is an insidious thing when it gets intrenched, and that’s what Washington has been dealing with for decades. But truth is the best remedy for ignorance, so that’s what I’m gunna give you in this week’s post.

For the record, I made it all the way through my writing program in college without writing a single paper on the absurdity of criminalized cannabis because that’s the type of paper every student writes at least once, and I wanted to avoid the cliché. But as it turns out, this choice was an ironic one because now that I have my writing degree, I spend my days writing only about marijuana… whatever, I’m going to embrace it. So, this week, I figured I’d write for you the paper I avoided for all those years, because after all, there are some things about cannabis prohibition that everyone needs to know. Here we go:

A Brief History of Cannabis Prohibition

In the beginning, it was the snake oil salesmen who ruined it for everybody. They’d travel through towns and make all sorts of nonsensical claims, like “cannabis cures erectile disfunction!” So, in 1906, the Pure Food and Drug Act was passed which made it illegal to make medicinal claims about any substance without proof, and it limited the sale of narcotics and cannabis to pharmacies. This was the first time cannabis was mentioned in any sort of legislation.

As an aside, it’s infuriating when people refer to legalized cannabis as a “social experiment” because when you think about it, weed has only been illegal for about 100 years. Throughout the rest of our history, cannabis was legal, so criminalizing a plant was the real social experiment, and it didn’t work. Anyway, moving on…

Then came the first of three butt-heads you need to meet: William Randolph Hearst. This guy was your archetypical fat-cat—he owned the world’s largest newspaper chain and a bunch of forests that he used to feed his paper mills. And do you know what’s a threat to people who make their living making paper out of trees? Hemp. It grows faster and makes better paper, so Hurst hated it. And it didn’t help that Pancho Villa invaded one of Hurst’s forests because Pancho was from Mexico which is where all the pot came from back then. So, Mr. Hurst used his newspapers and political clout to spread all sorts of misinformation about “evil marijuana.”

The second butt-head we need to talk about is Harry Anslinger. This guy rose to prominence as the head of the Treasury Department during the alcohol prohibition years, but when alcohol was legalized (because making drugs illegal doesn’t do anything), Anslinger found himself twiddling his thumbs. He was about to be unemployed, just like all the jerks under his command who used to make their livings busting alcohol smugglers, so he used his influence to spread false propaganda about pot. People believed him because people are dumb, and then Congress passed the Marijuana Tax Act in 1937.

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You see, nothing in the constitution allowed the federal government to ban a plant like cannabis, so they decided to “tax” marijuana, but then they intentionally forgot to create the system to generate licenses or collect the taxes. Ergo, since nobody could get a license or pay tax, it became illegal to grow or sell cannabis.

Everyone has heard of the third and final butt-head: Richard Nixon. He championed the Controlled Substance Act of 1970. Under this act, marijuana was classified as a Schedule 1 drug (right alongside others like crack) because it was a “harmful substance with no medical benefits.”

This brings us to where we’re at today. A handful of states have pulled their heads out of their butts and legalized pot because it sure as hell isn’t a harmful substance with no medical benefits, but most places still believe all the “reefer madness” lies and propaganda that got us into this mess, even though papers like this one are written every year by college students who are smart enough to look in the history books. And lobbyists from privatized prison systems and big pharmaceutical companies spend millions each year to keep pot illegal because there’s a ton of money to be made by locking up pot smokers and making pills that don’t work nearly as well as a plant.

There… that’s why marijuana is illegal in most places. Isn’t it irritating? But hey, Colorado isn’t one of “those places,” so if you’re like us and you prefer fact over propaganda, come into our Durango dispensary at 208 Parker Avenue and we’ll set things straight with some of the highest-quality cannabis on earth. We’re Your Best Buds!

August’s Best Bud of the Month

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Kevin Grady
Budtender, Product Research Team Member

About your Best Bud:

Kevin is everybody’s friend. Seriously. Everyone who comes in here gives him a warm hello or a wave as if he’s Norm from Cheers; Kevin is the only budtender I know who has groupies. And that makes sense because he’s the salty bartender type who’s quick with a joke or an anecdote to turn frowns upside-down. But he has a serious, knowledgeable side as well, and he knows his stuff when it comes to cannabis, which is why he earned a spot on our Product Research Team. When Kevin isn’t selling cannabis, he’s researching it, spending his time reading about every product on the market to make sure The Greenery sells the best of the best. That’s why this week, you get to meet him (unless, of course, you’re like everyone else who already knows Kevin):

Q. When did you start working for The Greenery?
Kevin. “March 27th of this year, I believe.”

Q. What’s your favorite way to enjoy marijuana?
Kevin. “A bubbler or a bong; a little water action. I like Green Crack and Golden Goat, or any sativa from The Greenery Grow, and I like very strong indica dabs.”

Q. What’s your favorite outdoor activity?
Kevin. “Outdoor? Hiking and biking, but mostly because I haven’t owned a car for five years. In the wintertime, I like hockey and snowboarding.”

Q. Tell us about your pet.
Kevin. “I’m the only person in Durango without a pet.”

Q. Which station do you stream while you’re working at The Greenery?
Kevin. “My favorite is Gogol Bordello, but I’m always into Ska and Punk depending on the time of day and customers.”

Q. What do you like most about working at The Greenery?
Kevin. “I like helping customers because I truly believe in cannabis.”

Due to this dedication to research and customer care (and thanks to his groupies), Kevin Grady is your Best Bud of the Month for August. Thank you so much, and congratulations, Kevin!

Dispensary FAQs

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As a budtender, I’ve heard them all: Is marijuana instantly addictive? Will this stuff make me see flying animals? Would you please mail some of that marijuana sex spray to me here in South Africa? For real, I’ve answered all these questions, and I tried my best to do so with a straight face. And somewhere along the line, it made me realize that I’m a professional question answerer—all day every day, I field questions from people who are trying to learn about this industry, so this week, I figured I’d answer a few of the most commonly asked questions preemptively. Here we go…

1.) What’s the difference between Indica and Sativa?

Well, I wrote an entire blog about it that you can read HERE, but basically, the Indica strains are famous for relaxation, and the Sativa strains are known for stimulation. The indicas evolved in India (thus the name), and the plants are short and bushy, as where the sativas (that originated in Africa) are tall with thin fronds. Just remember “indica, in-da-couch,” and “viva Sativa!”

2.) What’s your most potent edible?

On the recreational side of things in Colorado, edibles are capped at 100mg THC per package, and 10mg THC per serving, so they’re all equally potent. However, we do sell a few edibles that come in 5mg servings for people with a lower tolerance.

3.) How much am I allowed to buy?

Each adult can buy one ounce of flower, or 800mg worth of edibles, or 8g of concentrates. And yes, there is an equivalency chart to follow. Basically, you’re allowed to purchase eight eighths, and one eighth is equal to one gram of concentrate or a 100mg edible. So, hypothetically, you could buy four eighths, two grams of concentrate, and two 100mg edibles, and that would be your maximum.

4.) Do you sell any CBD-only products?

Nope. Those are available online, but they’re derived from hemp, and everything we sell is derived from cannabis (they’re completely different animals). However, we do sell a few products that are “mostly” CBD, such as our Lucky Turtle Tincture that contains 500mg CBD and only 10mg THC: each serving will give you roughly 14mg CBD and 0.25mg THC, which isn’t enough to get you “high.” Just so you know, the proverbial “they” have figured out that CBD can be more effective if it’s accompanied by a little THC thanks to the “entourage effect,” and I wrote an entire blog you can read HERE if you’d like to learn more.

5.) Do you have anything on sale?

Almost always! We have rotating deals throughout the week (for instance, I’m writing this on a Wednesday, and today, all our concentrates are 15% off). For a complete list of our daily deals, click HERE.

6.) I’m from out-of-state and I don’t have a medical card; can I still buy from you?

Yes. We’re a recreational-only dispensary (but we offer a 20% discount to customers who have a valid Colorado-issued medical card), and all you need to show us when you shop here is a valid, government-issued I.D. with a picture proving that you’re twenty-one or over.

7.) What’s the difference between a smokable and an edible high?

The stuff you smoke hits you almost instantly as where an edible can take up to two hours to hit you completely. The biggest mistake people make is eating more after twenty minutes or so because they aren’t feeling anything, and then boom, it all hits you. Please go slow and don’t do this: once you eat it, you cannot un-eat it, and an over-the-top edible experience is something you want to avoid. Trust me… Lastly, a smokable high lasts about an hour and a half, but an edible high can last for up to six hours, which is why caution is so important.

8.) Where can I smoke?

This is the tricky one. To consume any sort of marijuana, you must be on private property with the property owner’s permission. That’s what makes things tricky for tourists. However, plenty of the local hotels allow you to consume cannabis in designated areas—all you need to do is ask, and I promise they hear the question multiple times a day. And yes, I wrote an entire blog about this too, and you can read it HERE.

9.) Where are you located and what are your hours?

We’re at 208 Parker Avenue in Bodo Park right behind the GMC dealership. Simply call us if you need directions. We’re open from 9am to 9:30pm on weekdays, we’re open from 10am to 9:30pm on Saturdays, and from 10am to 7pm on Sundays. We’re closed on Christmas and New Year’s Day, and we have shortened hours on a few other holidays, but you can click HERE for a map and all sorts of other info.

10.) Is marijuana instantly addictive, will it make me see flying animals, and can you mail it to me here in Africa?

No…

That’s it! Of course, if I didn’t answer one of your questions, there’s nothing wrong with calling us to ask: (970) 403-3710. And there’s definitely nothing wrong with coming into our Durango dispensary to ask us in person because we’re all professional question-answerers, and We’re Your Best Buds!

New Pricing at our Durango Dispensary

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In the beginning, we had no idea what they were going to throw at us when it came to taxes. Frankly, back in ’14, businesses such as ours were willing to accept even the most astronomical rates simply so we could get away with selling legal marijuana; it was a means to an end. And “they” knew we’d put up with anything, so the rates kept climbing and climbing, and our out-the-door prices jumped all over the place like a kangaroo on crack. Because of this, we made the decision early on to not include taxes in our advertised prices because we never knew what was going to happen from month to month.

But a few months ago, when they tried to raise taxes even higher, we threw a fit. Our house counsel lobbied lawmakers and we started a petition and we got together as an industry and marched on city hall with torches and pitchforks. They gave in and agreed to keep our combined tax rate at 20%, which is insane enough as it is.

Think about it: if a customer comes in and spends $500, which happens all the time, they end up paying an additional $100 in tax—when this happens, I like to tell the customer that they single-handedly paid to fix a pothole with the tax that came from their purchase. But that’s just the way it is, and at least things have leveled off. And the good news is that since marijuana sales tax has become static (albeit extortionate), we’ve decided to include tax in our advertised prices, and since we had to change things anyway, we decided to make a few other adjustments, and I wanted to use this week’s blog to tell you about them. So, from now on, we’re going to have four tiers of flower pricing that represent your ‘out the door’ cost:

Craft: This is the crazy-good stuff, the flower you’d think of as true top-shelf marijuana. There will be times when our Craft flower comes from other small-batch growers, but for the most part, we grow all our Craft cannabis. We baby these plants; we play music for them and water them by hand and give them the love and time they need to grow the best buds on earth. From now on, with tax included, our Craft strains will sell for $24 a gram (of course, there are always price breaks for quantity).

Premium: These strains will usually come from featured growers around the state who are renowned for cultivating the most terpene-rich, potent strains in Colorado. You’ll need to check our marijuana menu from time to time to see what’s available, but these strains will sell for $18 per gram.

Choice: I’d hate to call our Choice strains “mid-range” because they’re still better than most of the other stuff in town, and you shouldn’t feel as if any quality is sacrificed per our Choice strains. These buds are still grown by some of the best cultivators in the state, and the potency is still in that Colorado range that put us on the map. Our Choice flower will cost you $12 per gram.

Select: This flower is still quality, but it might come in popcorn form (little buds) or have a lower THC percentage. This is the stuff you’ll want to buy if you decide to roll a comically-large joint or if your house is full of guests with vacuum lungs (you know who I’m talking about). And our decision to offer Durango a Select strain is something new for us, because now, you’ll be able to walk out the door with a $9 gram, which is awesome.

And we didn’t stop there. When we decided to restructure, we went all the way and adjusted our concentrate pricing for all you dabbers out there. From now on, you’ll be able to leave The Greenery with grams of concentrate for these tax-included prices (but of course, all the prices in this blog are subject to change because city hall might forget about the pitchforks):

Select Wax: $30 per gram

Premium Wax: $45 per gram

Shatter: $50 per gram

Live Resin: $60 per gram

Rosin: $60 per gram

HCFSE (Crystalline): $84 per gram

Isn’t that awesome?! All the premium concentrates we sell come from Madrone, which is the best producer of new-school hashes in the state. I’ll write more about them in a separate blog because they deserve it, but for now, please trust me when I say that there simply isn’t a better dab in Durango, and these prices are definitely worth it (if you’ve dabbed Madrone before, this isn’t something I need to tell you).

And that’s that! It’ll take us a week or so to bring in the Select Wax, but all these other changes will go into effect on Tuesday, June 19th. Our menus will be simpler, our prices will be easier to understand since tax will be included in everything (even for our edibles), but most importantly, you’ll save some money. So, if you’re over twenty-one and you have a valid I.D., come see Your Best Buds at 208 Parker Avenue for the best-priced, highest quality cannabis products in Durango!

 

Things to do in Durango

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Did you know there’s more to do in Durango than buy marijuana from The Greenery? I know… it’s crazy.

In a way, I’ve been doing you a disservice by only talking about cannabis and not telling you about all the other things this town has to offer. And I know it for a fact because lately, the tourists who find us on Google mention these blogs, but then turn around and ask, “so, what should we do while we’re in town?” Well, I apologize, and for this post, I’m going to talk about Durango instead of the best dispensary in it. Here we go:

***

I’m never moving.

This town has all the best parts of home without Alaska’s winter darkness, and it has all the best parts of Colorado without Denver’s crowd. The only way this town could be better is if it had a saltwater beach and palm trees hidden somewhere in the south, because Durango has everything else. We have rivers and mountains and culture and history and a ton of love, and this place has become my home, which is a rare thing for an Alaskan because most of us are clingy when it comes to what we call “home.”

But Durango is also The Greenery’s home more so than it is mine. The Greenery was born here, and our business model was breed by locals. We’re staffed with locals, we’re the local’s spot, and even if you’re not a local, we’ll treat you like one while you’re here. If you walked in and asked us what you should do after stopping at The Greenery (quite a few people really do come straight from the airport), we’d tell you to go see these places:

The Durango and Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad

Did you know that our hometown train was the one in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, and that Robert Redford and Paul Newman rode that train? It blew my mind when I figured that out, even though to my daughter, Paul Newman is “that guy who makes salad dressing and lemonade.”

And even though our train creeps through our town seventeen-hundred times a day blowing that dissonant whistle and belching plumes of smoke, I love that thing. I love that there’s still a real-life steam engine that’s fed with coal, and I love that you can ride it along the cliffs or walk along the tracks and pick up heavy chunks of its black food. If you’re visiting Durango, you need to click on the link at the top of this paragraph and see our train.

The Animas River

This river got its name thanks to all the souls it took when this town was being founded back in the late eighteen-hundreds, so if you’re visiting and you want to raft the Animas, I’d suggest taking a guide like 4 Corners Whitewater. Those people know what they’re doing.

But if you just want to sit by our river and smell what Colorado is about, we have miles of the Animas running through town, and it’s crossed by bridges and bordered by trails. Just go find the river and then spend a day enjoying it. That’s all it takes.

Purgatory Ski Resort

It doesn’t matter if you like skiing when it snows or doing backflips on a mountain bike during the summer months: Purgatory has it all. They have trampolines and ziplines and big-ass slides and a lake for paddle boarding. If you like outside, Purgatory is the place for you while you’re in Durango.

Powerhouse Science Center

If you have kids, take them here. Or if you’re an adult who acts like a kid when you get stoned, go here. This huge, brick-built building once powered all of Durango, but now it sits restored along the banks of our river, and it’s packed with science and educational fun (which I swear to you is a real thing). The Powerhouse is close to downtown, so you can learn things and then take a short walk to buy and eat things.

Ska Brewing

This place is to beer as The Greenery is to bud. That’s all I’ll say.

***

But even after reading all of that, it’s not like you can’t walk into The Greenery and ask, “so, what should we do while we’re in town?” because most of our budtenders know more about Durango than I do. Everyone has his or her favorite spot or attraction, and it never hurts to ask. So, come see Your Best Buds at 208 Parker Avenue if you’re over twenty-one with a valid I.D., and we’ll share our home with you, right along with the best marijuana in Durango.

 

March’s Best Bud of the Month

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Sloane Burdick
Manufacturing Lead (Supreme Commander of Hash)

About your Best Bud:

Sloane is the funny one. Or maybe Sloane is the artsy one, or the wild one, the fun one. Or maybe Sloane is the cool one, the one who’s real, albeit a little unfettered. Or maybe Sloane can’t really be classified as “this” or “that” one, like most people walking the streets. Know what I mean?

Picture all your friends standing in a field. Now pick out “the dumb one.” How long did that take you? A millisecond? It was easy for you because people like to pigeonhole other people. That’s what we do; we’re natural-born categorizers.

But Sloane doesn’t really fit into any of those pigeonholes. She takes up four or five of them with her complexity, with the depth of her personality, and to interview her was a delight:

Q. When did you start working for The Greenery?
Sloane. “November of 2015.”

Q. What’s your favorite way to enjoy marijuana?
Sloane. “I love Strawberry Cough in the bong. I love the glass and the cold water, and the way it makes the smoke cleaner.”

Q. What’s your favorite outdoor activity?
Sloane. “Taking pictures when I’m in my car or when I’m hiking. Or riding my cruiser ‘Pinkie Tuscadero.’ You know, like the character from Happy Days. It’s got hot-pink wheels and grips.”

Q. Tell us about your pet.
Sloane. “I have an evil kitty named Betty Beans, aka ‘B.B. McFuzz Pants,’ because who doesn’t give their animals multiple names?”

Q. Which station do you stream while you’re working at The Greenery?
Sloane. “We use YouTube for music. And really, I should be honest: mostly, I listen to Sturgill Simpson. It’s a problem.”

Q. What do you like most about working at The Greenery?
Sloane. “I love normalizing the world of cannabis. I’m a single mom in my forties, and I make hash for a living. I’m making this life normal, just as it should be.”

These interviews always get awkward right at the end. It’s important to include a story about the interviewee, something anecdotal that’ll help you get to know a team member here at The Greenery. But it’s a difficult question to answer when you’re on the spot:

Q. Would you share with us a story that’ll forever immortalize you on the internet? Something interesting that’ll pretty much define you as a human being? Something that’ll be read by all your coworkers and friends and the government, because you know they’re watching, right?
Sloane. “Um… there are lots of stories,” her laugh sounded like experience, “but one time, the school bus stopped to pick me up when I was almost forty. I told the guy I was on my way to work, but he thought I was a teen. He drove away, and I could see all the kids through their windows. They were laughing and watching me as their heads turned while the bus drove away.”

Most of us know for a fact that the school-bus story doesn’t define Sloane (there’re much better ones, like the one with the Scottish people or the one that ends with a lot of laughs, like most of them do), but the fact she chose this particular story says a lot. It’s a slice, a little snippet of Sloane’s hilarity that says something about her rather than about what happened to her, and that’s just cool.

***

To the people who don’t work in this Durango dispensary, Sloane is the woman who makes Moroccan Hash for The Greenery Hash Factory, along with a whole slue of other exotic concentrates. But to us, she’s part of this company, part of it’s soul, and even though Sloane doesn’t fit into a pigeonhole, she fits in here. And that’s why Sloane Burdick is your Durango dispensary Best Bud of the Month for March; congratulations Sloane!

Make sure to check out Sloane’s artwork HERE!

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February’s Best Bud of the Month

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Clay Siekman, aka ‘The Pot Whisperer’
Cultivation Plant Manager

About your Best Bud:

Clay is a pot whisperer. He hasn’t worked behind the counter for a while because he took over at our grow, but back in the day, people simply didn’t know how lucky they were when they bought pot from Clay. They’d come in, look at the ten strains on our menu for a minute, and then they’d say something like:

“Which one would you recommend?”

“Um, what type of high are you looking for?” Clay would ask. He’d always hold his chin between his thumb and forefinger like a detective, the other hand on his hip.

“What do you mean?”

“Well,” Clay would say, usually with a gesticulation or two, “are you looking for something relaxing? Something energetic?”

And this is where customers would mess up; they simply didn’t know they were talking to a pot whisperer who could tell them exactly what type of high came from each strain. Seriously, you should read this guy’s strain reviews—they’re precise and profound, almost like they were written by a sage who divined the essence of each strain with a spell of some sort.

If those customers would’ve realized who they were dealing with, they could’ve said something like, “I’d like a strain that goes well with old action movies on a Tuesday night,” or, “the left side of my head hurts and I want the perfect pot to pair with tacos.” And then Clay could’ve instantly suggested the most fitting strain available.

He really does know pot that well, but now, you should get to know him:

Q. When did you start working for The Greenery?
Clay. “October of 2016.”

Q. What’s your favorite way to enjoy marijuana?
Clay. “I love bongs. And my favorite strain is Green Crack, which is wonderful because we’re growing it right now, and we should have it ready to sell in our dispensary in a few months. But if I had to pick an edible, it’d be the Coda coffee and donuts that we sell at the shop.”

Q. What’s your favorite outdoor activity?
Clay. “Skiing, hiking, camping.”

Q. Tell us about your pet.
Clay. “I have a thirteen-years-old pug named Buddy. All he does is sleep and eat all day; he’s fat and old.”

Q. Which station do you stream while you’re working at The Greenery?
Clay. “Hip-hop jams!”

Q. What do you like most about working at The Greenery?
Clay. “I love the community that’s been built up around this industry. It’s great. I love being around likeminded people, both behind the counter and in front of it. Everyone who’s involved in this industry is incredible, and I love being a part of it.”

Frankly, this industry should love that Clay is a part of it, not the other way around, because the guy is a blessing. It took him about a year and a half to climb through our ranks, morphing from the shy kid behind the counter into the confident man running every aspect of our cultivation facility, and we’re just lucky he’s part of our brand.

And it’s not like a few of the regulars didn’t figure out that Clay was a pot whisperer, because after he left for greener pastures, people would come in and ask for him by name—they wondered where that “nice kid who gives good advice” went, and many of them missed the expert guidance he gave. Of course, his shoes were filled by other budtenders who are equally passionate about pot, and of course, we’d rather have Clay right where he is, whispering to our plants as they grow under his expert care. And that’s why Clay Siekman is Your Best Bud for February. Congratulations, Clay!

 

Stoners and Stigmas

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I recently met a man in our dispensary who builds skyscrapers in Cincinnati. He started small, of course, building his business out of the back of his truck, but after a few decades of work, real work, he found freedom. He landed the type of life that allows him to fly to Durango on his private jet—a G6, like the one Pitbull raps about—to spend the weekend here just for the hell of it, buying a fistful of tickets for his friends so they could all ride that railroad of ours on a whim. And this man was carefree. He asked me if cameras were allowed (of course they are!), and then he asked his wife to take his picture. She shook her head slowly with disappointment, the way wives do, and she asked the man what would happen if his employees saw the picture, or worse yet, his mother. His answer sticks with me:

“This is how I party, and there’s nothing wrong with marijuana. I’ve worked hard my whole life to stand here holding this pot, and anybody who has a problem with it can go fill in the blank.

Such a statement sounds inelegant at first, but really, it’s a beautiful declaration of honesty and freedom. So, the man’s wife smiled in that long-suffering way that only comes from love, and then she took his picture. The man shook my hand, put thirty dollars in our tip cup, and then walked out with his bag of weed in one hand, his wife’s bejeweled fingers in the other.

And even more recently, I met four men in our dispensary who flew here together on their private jet from Houston. They were tall and gracile in their leather boots, laughing and slapping backs, and they looked like they came from old money, the kind that’s black and bubbled up in their grandparents’ backyard. The four men flew in for the snow, but when they couldn’t find any, they decided to get high instead. They walked into our dispensary and saw something kindred in me, I guess, because each man made sure to shake my hand and get my name. I sold them edibles and vape pens and a whole panoply of pot products, and I threw in a couple koozies for fun, thinking men from Texas might find them especially useful.

I went to the bar later than night with my wife and a few friends on one of those random trips out, and as soon as I walked into The Ranch, I heard a loud chorus of “Jesse!!!” from the back of the bar. Those four guys from Texas were standing around the pool table, holding up beers wrapped snuggly in koozies that said, “The Greenery.” I introduced them to my wife (she shook her head slowly at my new friends, the way wives do), and we played pool for a while, right before they jumped back on their jet for another trip to find skiable snow.

Look, I know I’m rambling, but the picture I’m painting for you here proves that “stoners” aren’t always what you’d expect. Yes, wooks exist and their hippie magic is frightful, but for the most part, people who smoke pot are just like people who don’t smoke pot. I kid you not, I’ve sold to priests and teachers and surgeons and diplomats, and if not for the fact that each of them stood in front of me and bought marijuana, it wouldn’t have been possible to tell they were stoners, as if being one were a bad thing in the first place.

So why is the term “stoner” still a negative thing? Is it thanks to the stigma the bad guys birthed to justify their righteously unjust war on drugs? Probably.

Don’t worry, I’m not gunna get all preachy and complain about the fallacy of prohibition, but I do want to address the anti-pot stigma that seems to be sticking around like a virulent flu. I think this might be the seventh time I’ve put it in writing, but marijuana is medicine, and if not for that pesky stigma, this medicine could help more people. From the sweet old lady with tired hands who could find reprieve from her arthritis with a cannabis salve, but doesn’t, to the stage-four cancer patient who could find relief with marijuana, but never does: there are plenty of people out there denying themselves something legal and effective simply because of the stigma. Doesn’t that suck?

And that same stigma stops some people from getting high recreationally too, you know, for no other reason than to feel abnormally good, and that’s a travesty too. Because guess what? Pot is awesome. It makes good days better, and it doesn’t come with a hangover. Most of us at The Greenery smoke the stuff loud and proud because we have more pressing matters to worry about than stigmas, but that’s a luxury. Not everybody lives in a place like this or has a job like this, and that stigma is heavier for them.

But I want you to know that we’re trying to fix that. There are real life badasses who toil here behind the scenes. They stay in the backrooms of our dispensary and they write letters and lobby law makers, and they do their damnedest to defeat that annoying “stoner” stigma we’ve been living with for years. I’m not making that up, even though it sounds a little cryptic; we even have a consulting service that helps people in other states figure out the legal weed game. Cool, right?

So, don’t worry. There’s no stigma in our shop. We won’t judge you for a damn thing when you walk in, even if you’ve been putting off your first experience with cannabis for seventy years (which is something I heard from a customer just last week). Our people are professional and forthright, and we do our best to break the “stoner” stereotype daily with our service, because We’re Your Best Buds!

Marijuana Inhaler

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Did you know that they make marijuana-infused nasal spray? Actually, sometimes I wonder who “they” are. You know, like are “they” a clandestine group of super-geniuses sitting somewhere subterranean, inventing things the way you and I write grocery lists? I don’t know, but “they” come up with all sorts of cool stuff, like pot nasal spray. For the record, cannabinoid nasal spray is a medicinal product—it’s used to administer cannabis to people who’re suffering through a seizure, and it stops the twitching like magic, proving once more that marijuana is medicine—and we don’t sell it at The Greenery, but we do sell something else that “they” came up with:

The Aero Inhaler by Quest Aerosols

For real, this thing works exactly like an asthma rescue inhaler (and don’t act like you haven’t tried one because we all have, probably at summer camp), but it gets you high. Can’t you just picture one of those super-geniuses sitting in his cave, probably petting a fluffy cat, smiling smugly because he invented an inhaler that gets you high? Anyway, I got to try one of these inhalers over the weekend, and it dawned on me that I’d never written a bona fide product review for our blog, and I figured that right now would be a perfect time to start. And no, I’m not going to say only nice things about this product simply because we sell it at The Greenery; I promise to list all the pros and cons impartially because you deserve as much. Here we go:

Pros:

  1. The Aero Inhaler is the most discrete inhalable marijuana product on the market. That title once belonged to vape pens, but they emit a vapor, and the Aero Inhaler does not. Nearly nothing comes out when you exhale, and the marijuana odor you’d expect is next to nonexistent.
  2. Can you believe that “they” packed one-thousand milligrams of concentrate into those little bottles? Each puff delivers ten milligrams, and the range for the inhalers I’ve seen hovers between sixty and eighty percent. Potency isn’t an issue with this product, and you get plenty of it in each package.
  3. Inhalers that get you high are cool.
  4. These things are completely self-contained and portable. You don’t need a lighter or a battery that might be charged, and you don’t need to worry about squishing that brownie in your pocket. The Aero Inhaler is waterproof, reliable, and relatively idiot-proof, which leads into the cons…

Cons:

  1. You shouldn’t leave one of these things in your Jeep overnight when the temperature drops below zero because you’ll feel like a dumbass in the morning when you notice that a little bit of the concentrate leaked out, getting all over the warning on the bottle that clearly says, “store at room temperature.” I do dumb things sometimes.
  2. I didn’t know what to expect the first time I used this product (but you don’t need to worry about that because you’re reading this). You need to point the mouthpiece directly at the back of your throat as you inhale, because if you miss and spray your tongue, it’ll taste like you gargled a pot smoothie (which for some people, would make this a pro instead of a con).
  3. This is another first-time thing, but I didn’t know exactly how high I was gunna get. Marijuana roulette is never a fun game to play, but again, you don’t need to worry about that because you’re still reading. As a caveat, everyone will experience this product differently, but I’d say that one puff from the Aero Inhaler is equivalent in effect to one puff from a pure CO2 vape pen, or a couple stout hits from the bong, if pens aren’t your thing.

And that’s it! I suppose I should come up with some sort of rating system, like “I give the Aero Inhaler four-out-of-five Best Buds,” but I’ll spare you the banality. This product works, it’s a relatively inexpensive way to get one-thousand milligrams of concentrate, and it’s worthy of our shelves at The Greenery (trust me, everything we sell is thoroughly vetted, which is just as fun as it sounds). Anyway, I promise to keep giving you little reviews like this one so you can stay up-to-date, and at The Greenery, we promise to stay on the cutting edge of this industry by always bringing what “they” come up with next to Durango. You know, because “We’re Your Best Buds!”