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How to Tell Your Children You Smoke Marijuana

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A daddy-promise is a sacred thing, something I’d never break, and I made one to my youngest daughter when I said I’d “never smoke another cigarette.” Of course, when I made that promise, I had to include a couple caveats: sometimes, I’d enjoy the occasional cigar, and of course, I’d keep smoking cannabis as much as I wanted.

That’s a strange conversation to have with a ten-years-old little girl, and it’s full of pitfalls because as a parent, you want to set the best example possible. And as the Sales Manager for a Hash Factory, it’s a conversation I’ve had more than once with my kids because it’s pretty obvious what daddy does for a living—I wear my Greenery hoodie almost every day, and I have to answer my phone in front of my kids whenever a client calls for a wholesale order of Moroccan Hash during the weekend. So, this week, it occurred to me that you might also be a parent who enjoys marijuana, but maybe you’re not sure how to start “the talk,” and you’d like a little advice. Well, here are my two cents…

If you have the talk with your kid, you do so for one of two reasons: either you decided to be proactive and talk to your kid about your marijuana consumption (good job!), or little Timmy walked into the garage and caught you smoking (oops). If the “oops” has already happened, there’s no way to go back unless you know how to build a time machine (if you do, hit me up), so let’s start with the latter scenario:

Timmy: “um… what’s that, mom?”

Mom: “Timmy, this is marijuana. It’s a plant that grows out of the ground, and sometimes, I like to smoke it.”

Timmy: “Why?”

Mom: “I find it to be relaxing, and it can be like medicine that helps me.”

Timmy: “Can I try?”

Mom: “No, marijuana is just for grownups.”

Timmy: “Why?”

Mom: “Because grownups have a brain that’s all done growing. If you try marijuana when you’re a kid, it might change the way you get big. I don’t want you to try any until you’re old enough, so you grow up just right.”

Timmy: “Why?”

This is when you should redirect (and if you’re a parent, that’s not something I need to tell you how to do) because reactive conversations like this need to be short and sweet so the moment Timmy caught you doesn’t end up to be a big deal in his memory. But it’s always best to be proactive and talk about pot before you get caught because parental trust is difficult to get back once you’ve lost it, and you’ll have to have the “long talk” sometime after getting caught anyway.

And there’s another reason you should sit Timmy down and talk about marijuana: it’s ubiquitous out in the real world, and Timmy needs to know what to do when he encounters cannabis. As an example, I’ve heard countless stories about some kid who broke into his parents’ stash and then went to school to hand out gummies. So, if you decide to be proactive and sit Timmy down for the talk, here’s the first step: come in and buy some gummies, and then show them to Timmy. The state of Colorado requires that every individual serving of a marijuana-infused edible be clearly marked with the universal THC symbol. If you show this marking to your child and tell him or her that it’s always on “dangerous grownup candy,” he or she will know what to avoid in the school cafeteria.

Now, let’s move on to the talk. Frankly, unlike the down and dirty reactive discussion that gets you out of trouble for being caught in the garage, talks like this should be long and in-depth so you cover all the bases and make Timmy comfortable with the pot-filled world in which he lives. So, I’m not going to pretend like I know how to parent your child by giving you a script, but rather, I’ll focus on a few dos and don’ts:

The biggest mistake is easy to make, which is comparing marijuana to alcohol. If you say something like, “well, Timmy, yes, I smoke pot, but pot is safer than alcohol, and daddy drinks beer every day,” Timmy will start to think that both of his parents do bad things. So, instead, talk about marijuana via its own merits. For one, it’s legal in the state of Colorado (obviously), so make sure to tell Timmy that mommy isn’t breaking any laws. Secondly, it’s natural. It’s just a plant that grows in the dirt, so it’s not full of the addicting and harmful chemicals that can be found in other drugs (yes, like alcohol, but remember not to bring that up). And third, it’s impossible to overdose and die from smoking pot, so let Timmy know that you’re safe.

Now, fair warning, you’re going to get a little pushback because the public-school system is still doling out that antiquated “just say no,” “all drugs are bad” type of education, but I’d recommend not countering it. Instead, tell you child that the schools are right—all drugs are in fact bad for children, but some of them, like mommy’s weed or daddy’s beer, are okay for parents so long as they don’t over do it, which is something grownups know not to do (hopefully). That way, Timmy will think that you’re on the same page as his teachers, and then the hallowed trust children put in adults will be maintained.

The rest is up to you, because as a parent, you know what’s best. But, if you’d like a few extra pointers, please come see us at 208 Parker Avenue and have a chat. Quite a few of us are working parents who’ve had these talks with our kids for one reason or another, and we’d love to tell you about it, because if you’re a parent who enjoys marijuana, We’re Your Best Buds, too!

How to Hide the Smell of Marijuana

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Marijuana stinks. Well, to me, it smells like paradise, but you know what I mean. And it’s one of those smells that most of us are born loving, like bacon or coffee, so in a way, it’s sacrilegious to cover it up. But I get it. Your living situation might not let you blow smoke wherever you want, and at least one person a day comes into our Durango dispensary to ask about ways to mask cannabis’s funk, so this week, I decided to write about it.

First off, please don’t do that dumb thing where you light a ton of incense and shove a towel under the door; you might as well also put a sign on the door that says, “I’m totally smoking pot in here.” I mean, the towel/incense route might get you by occasionally, but it’s not a long-term fix. So, as my first tip, don’t smoke in a box like your bedroom. Go outside. Sit on the roof. Open the window and stick your head out. If you want to throw the towel into the mix, do it, but ventilation and fresh air are the keys.

As my next tip, if lighting a plant on fire and standing in the smoke is too stinky for you, try an edible because there’s obviously no fire involved, or a vape pen. With a cannabis vaporizer pen, the ceramic atomizer (or wick system) inside essentially boils the THC oil, so a vapor is created as opposed to smoke. Vapors don’t cling or linger like smoke, so the minimal smell that exists doesn’t linger. For real, when it comes to “smoking,” there’s nothing more discrete than vaping.

That being said, let’s say you’re dead-set on smoking flower and avoiding the smell; you need to make a “sploof.” Step one: take a cardboard tube (like an empty toilet paper or paper towel tube) and fill it full of dryer sheets. In a pinch, you can spray perfume on toilet paper and use it to stuff the tube. Next, take a single dryer sheet and cover one end of the tube, and tape it in place (or secure it to the tube with a hair tie). Now all you have to do is take a hit and blow it through the tube (please blow through the end that isn’t covered with a dryer sheet). The smoke will travel through all the dryer sheets inside your sploof and the scent will be filtered out. These things work exceedingly well. In fact, they also sell commercial sploofs like the Smoke Buddy that use replaceable charcoal filters to eliminate smells, and that beats a bunch of burning incense any day.

But what about hiding the smell of unsmoked flower? Is that the question you really wanted me to answer? The only reason I ask is that quite a few of our customers come in here looking for “smell-proof bags,” which isn’t something we sell. I’d image that at least one of the people who’ve asked me was looking for a smell-proof bag so they could ship their pot home or bring it on the plane, but please, DON’T DO THIS. They’ll find it, and it’s illegal. For one, dogs can smell anything, and there’s no such thing as a smell-proof bag that’s also x-ray proof, so you simply shouldn’t risk it. Ever. However, if you have a roommate who sniffs around your room like a bloodhound looking for your stash when you’re gone, or if you’re unlucky enough to still live with your parents after turning 21, you might have a legitimate reason to hide the smell of your fresh flower, so I’ll talk about it.

The trendiest way to do this is with a Skunk Bag, which is a “smell-proof” backpack or small bag with built-in charcoal filtration devices. But the problem with these things is that they all have a branded skunk emblem embroidered on the bag, and if you’re trying to hide your pot from a roommate that knows about skunk bags, that little emblem will make your stash obvious. So, instead of spending tons of money online for a smell-proof bag, just use a mason jar. They’re cheap, you probably have a few in your kitchen right now, and glass is always the best thing in which to store your pot. Just keep it out of the sun (and away from prying eyes), and your pot will stay fresh and not stink all at the same time.

Lastly, please remember that we become desensitized to smells pretty quickly. Just about every customer who walks into our dispensary compliments how fragrant our store is, but it always takes me a second to figure out what they’re talking about—if you spend eight hours in a room full of pot, you stop smelling the pot. So, if you get high in a room and sit there for a while, it’ll stop smelling to you, but anyone who walks in will know exactly what you’ve been doing. Keep it ventilated, use a sploof, and keep your pot in a sealed mason jar; you’ll be good to go. Or, if you’re like me and you like to keep the smell loud and proud, come see us at 208 Parker Avenue and take a sniff of what we have to offer (so long as you’re over 21 with a valid I.D.) because We’re Your Best Buds!