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Wake ‘n Bake

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Do you remember the Shake ‘n Bake commercials from the early nineties? If not, they were campy and ridiculous and awesome. A woman with a rabid smile would throw some raw chicken into a zip-lock bag full of Shake ‘N Bake and shake it maniacally, maintaining her insane smile throughout, and then she’d serve her stereotypical family while they cheered as if they were eating something other than crappy chicken made with a zip-lock bag. The screen would fade to black, and then boom! The “Shake ‘N Bake” logo would appear with an unforgettable jingle… I might be scarred for life. But that doesn’t matter, because “shake ‘n bake” became a part of our collective lexicon thanks to the affective advertising.

Flash forward to a few years later, and we stoners co-opted the term and changed it a bit to come up with “wake ‘n bake,” which is how we refer to smoking pot first thing in the morning. Seriously, there’s no better way to start a Saturday. I like to wake up, stretch, smoke, and then play with the kids, laughing into the early afternoon while cartoons play in the background; it’s the type of morning found at the end of a rainbow. Actually, that’s pretty much exactly how last Saturday went, but I didn’t smoke—I took the edible route, and it got me thinking that you, the ever-intrepid marijuana blog reader, might not know about all the wonderful wake ‘n bake options we have at The Greenery. So, this week, I decided to write about six products we sell that’re pretty much made for mornings because they’re discrete, effective, and easy to use. And here we go…

1.) Clockwork Coffee: Yeah, that’s right, we’re now selling instant, marijuana-infused coffee at The Greenery, and it’s awesome. It’s like a mad scientist sat down to combine THC and caffeine (arguably the two best substances on earth) and nailed it. Each serving contains 10 milligrams of THC, and this stuff stays true to its slogan: “more wakey, less shaky.” We also carry a balanced version containing five milligrams of THC and five milligrams of CBD, so if you’re looking for a little relief with your wake ‘n bake, this is the way to go.

2.) Dixie Awakening Mints: These are perfect for the lightweight wake ‘n bakers out there because each mint contains five milligrams of THC instead of the usual ten. Our Awakening Mints are perfect for the morning because they contain orange-peel zest, ginseng, Ginko leaf, and Matcha tea powder—if these don’t pick you up, you’re probably a zombie.

3.) Magic Buzz Energy Shots: This one might be my favorite. Each single-serving energy drink contains ten milligrams of THC, and these little bottles are bolstered with caffeine, taurine, and a bunch of vitamin B. We keep these chilled in our dispensary, so we sell them cold, and the “tropical blast” flavor pairs perfectly with any breakfast.

4.) Buzz Infused Honey: Never mind, this one is my favorite. Last Fathers’ Day, my wife put a packet of this in my morning coffee, and things got peachy real quick. Each single serving contains ten milligrams of THC and ten milligrams of CBD, and as far as versatile edibles go that can be used with just about anything, honey is hard to beat.

5.) Whitewater Gentle Green Tea. Morning people come in two types: tea drinkers and coffee drinkers, and we wouldn’t dare forget about the former group. Each single serving of this lightly-caffeinated green tea contains ten milligrams of THC. You just drop one of the infused teabags into a hot cup of water, let it steep for about five minutes, and then sip your way into a better day. It’s just good stuff.

6.) Lucid Mood Energy Sipper. As far as disposable vape pens go, this one’s a damn good deal. Each preloaded, disposable vape pen (or “sipper,” as Lucid Mood calls them) comes complete with two-hundred milligrams of hash oil that’s around 40% THC, 40% CBD, and 20% aromatherapy terpenes. The Energy sipper is infused with citrus botanicals, and I swear these things make the daytime brighter.

Fun, right? Here a The Greenery, we have the best assortment of marijuana edibles on the planet—we’ve spent years eating everything on the market and picking only the best for our menu—and if you come in to talk to one of our affable budtenders, he or she can steer you towards the best wake ‘n bake ever. After all, We’re Your Best Buds, and your morning high matters to us!