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How to Tell Your Children You Smoke Marijuana

Posted on June 15, 2019 - 9:00 am

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A daddy-promise is a sacred thing, something I’d never break, and I made one to my youngest daughter when I said I’d “never smoke another cigarette.” Of course, when I made that promise, I had to include a couple caveats: sometimes, I’d enjoy the occasional cigar, and of course, I’d keep smoking cannabis as much as I wanted.

That’s a strange conversation to have with a ten-years-old little girl, and it’s full of pitfalls because as a parent, you want to set the best example possible. And as the Sales Manager for a Hash Factory, it’s a conversation I’ve had more than once with my kids because it’s pretty obvious what daddy does for a living—I wear my Greenery hoodie almost every day, and I have to answer my phone in front of my kids whenever a client calls for a wholesale order of Moroccan Hash during the weekend. So, this week, it occurred to me that you might also be a parent who enjoys marijuana, but maybe you’re not sure how to start “the talk,” and you’d like a little advice. Well, here are my two cents…

If you have the talk with your kid, you do so for one of two reasons: either you decided to be proactive and talk to your kid about your marijuana consumption (good job!), or little Timmy walked into the garage and caught you smoking (oops). If the “oops” has already happened, there’s no way to go back unless you know how to build a time machine (if you do, hit me up), so let’s start with the latter scenario:

Timmy: “um… what’s that, mom?”

Mom: “Timmy, this is marijuana. It’s a plant that grows out of the ground, and sometimes, I like to smoke it.”

Timmy: “Why?”

Mom: “I find it to be relaxing, and it can be like medicine that helps me.”

Timmy: “Can I try?”

Mom: “No, marijuana is just for grownups.”

Timmy: “Why?”

Mom: “Because grownups have a brain that’s all done growing. If you try marijuana when you’re a kid, it might change the way you get big. I don’t want you to try any until you’re old enough, so you grow up just right.”

Timmy: “Why?”

This is when you should redirect (and if you’re a parent, that’s not something I need to tell you how to do) because reactive conversations like this need to be short and sweet so the moment Timmy caught you doesn’t end up to be a big deal in his memory. But it’s always best to be proactive and talk about pot before you get caught because parental trust is difficult to get back once you’ve lost it, and you’ll have to have the “long talk” sometime after getting caught anyway.

And there’s another reason you should sit Timmy down and talk about marijuana: it’s ubiquitous out in the real world, and Timmy needs to know what to do when he encounters cannabis. As an example, I’ve heard countless stories about some kid who broke into his parents’ stash and then went to school to hand out gummies. So, if you decide to be proactive and sit Timmy down for the talk, here’s the first step: come in and buy some gummies, and then show them to Timmy. The state of Colorado requires that every individual serving of a marijuana-infused edible be clearly marked with the universal THC symbol. If you show this marking to your child and tell him or her that it’s always on “dangerous grownup candy,” he or she will know what to avoid in the school cafeteria.

Now, let’s move on to the talk. Frankly, unlike the down and dirty reactive discussion that gets you out of trouble for being caught in the garage, talks like this should be long and in-depth so you cover all the bases and make Timmy comfortable with the pot-filled world in which he lives. So, I’m not going to pretend like I know how to parent your child by giving you a script, but rather, I’ll focus on a few dos and don’ts:

The biggest mistake is easy to make, which is comparing marijuana to alcohol. If you say something like, “well, Timmy, yes, I smoke pot, but pot is safer than alcohol, and daddy drinks beer every day,” Timmy will start to think that both of his parents do bad things. So, instead, talk about marijuana via its own merits. For one, it’s legal in the state of Colorado (obviously), so make sure to tell Timmy that mommy isn’t breaking any laws. Secondly, it’s natural. It’s just a plant that grows in the dirt, so it’s not full of the addicting and harmful chemicals that can be found in other drugs (yes, like alcohol, but remember not to bring that up). And third, it’s impossible to overdose and die from smoking pot, so let Timmy know that you’re safe.

Now, fair warning, you’re going to get a little pushback because the public-school system is still doling out that antiquated “just say no,” “all drugs are bad” type of education, but I’d recommend not countering it. Instead, tell you child that the schools are right—all drugs are in fact bad for children, but some of them, like mommy’s weed or daddy’s beer, are okay for parents so long as they don’t over do it, which is something grownups know not to do (hopefully). That way, Timmy will think that you’re on the same page as his teachers, and then the hallowed trust children put in adults will be maintained.

The rest is up to you, because as a parent, you know what’s best. But, if you’d like a few extra pointers, please come see us at 208 Parker Avenue and have a chat. Quite a few of us are working parents who’ve had these talks with our kids for one reason or another, and we’d love to tell you about it, because if you’re a parent who enjoys marijuana, We’re Your Best Buds, too!

How to Hide the Smell of Marijuana

Posted on June 1, 2019 - 9:00 am

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Marijuana stinks. Well, to me, it smells like paradise, but you know what I mean. And it’s one of those smells that most of us are born loving, like bacon or coffee, so in a way, it’s sacrilegious to cover it up. But I get it. Your living situation might not let you blow smoke wherever you want, and at least one person a day comes into our Durango dispensary to ask about ways to mask cannabis’s funk, so this week, I decided to write about it.

First off, please don’t do that dumb thing where you light a ton of incense and shove a towel under the door; you might as well also put a sign on the door that says, “I’m totally smoking pot in here.” I mean, the towel/incense route might get you by occasionally, but it’s not a long-term fix. So, as my first tip, don’t smoke in a box like your bedroom. Go outside. Sit on the roof. Open the window and stick your head out. If you want to throw the towel into the mix, do it, but ventilation and fresh air are the keys.

As my next tip, if lighting a plant on fire and standing in the smoke is too stinky for you, try an edible because there’s obviously no fire involved, or a vape pen. With a cannabis vaporizer pen, the ceramic atomizer (or wick system) inside essentially boils the THC oil, so a vapor is created as opposed to smoke. Vapors don’t cling or linger like smoke, so the minimal smell that exists doesn’t linger. For real, when it comes to “smoking,” there’s nothing more discrete than vaping.

That being said, let’s say you’re dead-set on smoking flower and avoiding the smell; you need to make a “sploof.” Step one: take a cardboard tube (like an empty toilet paper or paper towel tube) and fill it full of dryer sheets. In a pinch, you can spray perfume on toilet paper and use it to stuff the tube. Next, take a single dryer sheet and cover one end of the tube, and tape it in place (or secure it to the tube with a hair tie). Now all you have to do is take a hit and blow it through the tube (please blow through the end that isn’t covered with a dryer sheet). The smoke will travel through all the dryer sheets inside your sploof and the scent will be filtered out. These things work exceedingly well. In fact, they also sell commercial sploofs like the Smoke Buddy that use replaceable charcoal filters to eliminate smells, and that beats a bunch of burning incense any day.

But what about hiding the smell of unsmoked flower? Is that the question you really wanted me to answer? The only reason I ask is that quite a few of our customers come in here looking for “smell-proof bags,” which isn’t something we sell. I’d image that at least one of the people who’ve asked me was looking for a smell-proof bag so they could ship their pot home or bring it on the plane, but please, DON’T DO THIS. They’ll find it, and it’s illegal. For one, dogs can smell anything, and there’s no such thing as a smell-proof bag that’s also x-ray proof, so you simply shouldn’t risk it. Ever. However, if you have a roommate who sniffs around your room like a bloodhound looking for your stash when you’re gone, or if you’re unlucky enough to still live with your parents after turning 21, you might have a legitimate reason to hide the smell of your fresh flower, so I’ll talk about it.

The trendiest way to do this is with a Skunk Bag, which is a “smell-proof” backpack or small bag with built-in charcoal filtration devices. But the problem with these things is that they all have a branded skunk emblem embroidered on the bag, and if you’re trying to hide your pot from a roommate that knows about skunk bags, that little emblem will make your stash obvious. So, instead of spending tons of money online for a smell-proof bag, just use a mason jar. They’re cheap, you probably have a few in your kitchen right now, and glass is always the best thing in which to store your pot. Just keep it out of the sun (and away from prying eyes), and your pot will stay fresh and not stink all at the same time.

Lastly, please remember that we become desensitized to smells pretty quickly. Just about every customer who walks into our dispensary compliments how fragrant our store is, but it always takes me a second to figure out what they’re talking about—if you spend eight hours in a room full of pot, you stop smelling the pot. So, if you get high in a room and sit there for a while, it’ll stop smelling to you, but anyone who walks in will know exactly what you’ve been doing. Keep it ventilated, use a sploof, and keep your pot in a sealed mason jar; you’ll be good to go. Or, if you’re like me and you like to keep the smell loud and proud, come see us at 208 Parker Avenue and take a sniff of what we have to offer (so long as you’re over 21 with a valid I.D.) because We’re Your Best Buds!

Cannabis Science Update

Posted on May 25, 2019 - 9:00 am

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I can’t tell you how often I hear one of my older customers say something like, “man, marijuana sure has changed since my day,” but the funny thing is that most of these people don’t know how right they are.

In past posts, I’ve told you about how CO2 is used in cultivations to increase photosynthesis; I’ve told you about how super-critical hydrocarbons are used to extract cannabinoids from plant matter; I’ve told you about how cannabinoids can be micro-encapsulated to make transdermal products and about how some distillates are now water-soluble. But today, I have something truly mind-blowing to tell you about: yeast-synthesized cannabinoids.

As I’m sure you know, a “cannabinoid” is a compound like THC that’s found in cannabis. That’s the simple part. And I’m sure you also know that cannabis produces multiple cannabinoids, over 100 of them by some counts, but we don’t know what all of them do. The reason for this is that the cannabis plant is pretty good at producing the famous cannabinoids like THC and CBD, but all the others exist only in trace amounts in the plant—it’s exceedingly difficult to test a rare cannabinoid like CBC or THCV if you can’t isolate enough of the compound for testing purposes.

However, scientists have now figured out a way to genetically modify yeast to make it produce THC instead of alcohol. See what I mean by “mind-blowing”? Usually, yeast like this is used only to make booze. Those crazy little organisms are thrown in with a sugar-rich mash like grape juice, the yeast eats all the sugar, and then it poops out alcohol. It’s kinda gross when you think about it that way, but that’s the way it works. But now, thanks to genetic modifications, a new kind of yeast can be fed a soup of nutrients, including galactose (the sugar in brewer’s yeast), and it’ll pump out whichever cannabinoid the yeast had been modified to make. So now, if a scientist wants to create and isolate a bunch of CBC to see what its medicinal effects might be, they don’t need to grow tons of cannabis to extract a minimal amount of the cannabinoid. All they need to do is reprogram some yeast, feed it sugar, collect the CBC, and then start running tests. You can read more about it HERE if you’d like.

For the record, I know that “GMO” is an evil acronym to most cannabis enthusiasts because we prefer natural things, but it’s important to realize that the THC created by this new yeast is chemically identical to the THC created by cannabis—the yeast is genetically modified, not the THC that comes out. And the implications from this new scientific breakthrough don’t stop with testing. Yeast can produce good ol’ THC or CBD much more quickly than the marijuana plant, so, you guessed it, this will make isolated THC much more affordable, and manufacturers will be able to add it to edibles much more easily because the THC won’t need to be extracted from plant matter. This might make it so retail edible prices drop significantly, the consistency per potency will become much more uniform, and the range of cannabinoids available will grow exponentially. Despite the GMO aspect of it all, I think yeast-synthesized cannabinoids are exciting, and their place in our market is inevitable.

But, that’s all in the future. Today, all the cannabinoids we sell in our Durango dispensary come from the marijuana plant, but the future is fun to talk about. So, if you’d like to chat about what’s on the horizon, or if you’d simply like some good, old-fashioned pot to put in your pipe, bring your valid I.D. proving that you’re 21 or over and come see us at 208 Parker Avenue. Either way, we’ve got you covered, because We’re your Best Buds!

A Good Day with Cannabis

Posted on March 23, 2019 - 9:00 am

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Do you remember that “It Was a Good Day” song by Ice Cube? If not, it’s a classic, and you need to listen to it immediately, but if you do, I apologize for getting it stuck in your head. But the reason I ask is that recently, I read a news story wherein a bunch of rap nerds got together and figured out exactly which day Ice Cube was talking about: it was January 20^th, 1992.

They used all the clues in the song to figure it out: there was “no smog,” Yo! MTV Raps was on TV, the Lakers beat the Super Sonics, and Ice Cube got a page on his beeper from Kim. If you figure out the song’s release date, look at the years when beepers were used, check the stats for Lakers wins, and the weather report for smog, you get the exact “good day.” Of course, back in 2012 when Ice Cube gave an interview about the song, he said it was a fictional day, but that’s not why I’m writing this: in his song, Ice Cube mentions the “chronic,” which is a prerequisite for any “good day.” That got me thinking about the perfect day with cannabis—a day you can plan and enjoy intentionally, because sometimes, good days need to be forced. So, if I were to plan the perfect day with cannabis, this is how I’d do it:

Step one, wake-and-bake. There’s nothing wrong with pot in the morning, and anyone who says otherwise hasn’t tried it. On lazy Sundays, I like to wake up with a good Bubble Gum joint, or something else sativa-dominant, and we sell them for $10 out-the-door here in our Durango dispensary. And then after I put out my joint to save for later (smoking an entire gram in the morning might cut the day a bit short), I’d mix a packet of Lucky Turtle 1:1 Honey into my coffee. These single serving packs of honey cost $9, and they deliver 10mg of THC and CBD. Granted, if you’d prefer fewer than 10mg in the morning (or if you don’t like overly-sweet coffee), just use half the packet. And timing is important: the high from your joint will last about an hour and a half, and it’ll take the honey about an hour and a half to kick in fully, so drink that coffee right after you put down the joint—for the perfect good day, a high must be maintained.

The next step would be to go out and see the world. I like having my wife drive me around to thrift shops and breakfast places while I marvel at the bright day, couched comfortably in my buzz (but if you stop for breakfast, remember, there’s nothing wrong with bacon even though Ice Cube’s good day started when mom cooked breakfast with “no hog”). Then we go home to do chores and watch daytime TV; this is when my vape pen comes into play. I like to keep a terpene-rich distillate pen in my pocket, something like the Craft Reserve from O.pen that’s on our menu, and I lean towards the hybrid side of things as the day creeps by. I’ll take a puff or two when normalcy starts to creep back in, and it’ll carry me through to lunch when I smash a BLT and then load a bowl. Just like with the vape pen, my midday bowl is always a perfect hybrid, something like Blue Dream, because that even balance between mental energy and physical relaxation pairs perfectly with noontime.

This is when I start watching something campy like “Ancient Aliens” (as it turns out, the History Channel would have you believe aliens are responsible for just about everything except pot). As the day gets older, I smoke and vape as needed, but if you’re a fan of baths, I’d recommend throwing some THC bath salt into the mix. We sell a rejuvenating bath salt that’s infused with eucalyptus and cannabis, it’ll soothe you until nighttime rolls around, because that’s when it’s time to kick things up a notch.

Next, for dark nights, I like dark hash, like a good Moroccan or an Indica-dominant bubble hash. And that’s pretty convenient given that we operate our own Hash Factory, and we’re the only company in Colorado that manufactures and distributes classic concentrates such as Moroccan or Lebanese hash. So, to start my perfect evening to cap off that good day, I’d throw a pinch of Moroccan on top of a deep Indica like Pakistani Chitral Kush, smoke it, and then wait for the mind-numbing, body sedating high to knock me down into the couch (these days, it’s the only way to make the nightly news bearable). And then right before bed, I’d eat a brownie from Love’s Oven. They’re made with canna-butter which is difficult to find these days, they totally count as a desert, and the relaxing high would keep me sleeping through the night. Boom; the perfect end to a good day with cannabis (and there’s no law saying you can’t have two days like this in a row, so wake up and repeat as necessary).

But this good day isn’t possible without cannabis, so come see us first. We’re located at 208 Parker Avenue right here in Durango, and we’re open every day (for hours, click HERE). Just make sure to bring your valid, government-issued I.D. proving that you’re 21 or older, because good days with cannabis are for grownups only. And remember, We’re Your Best Buds!

The Greenery Hits a Theme Song

Posted on August 5, 2017 - 9:00 am

The Greenery, dispensary deals, marijuana, pot shop

Darth Vader is cool only because he has theme music. Granted, the lightsaber helps a little bit, as does his freaky ability to choke fools from a distance, but if it wasn’t for the sonorous, tonal music that follows Vader wherever he goes, he’d be average at best. All the other aliens in that far, far away galaxy wouldn’t even notice when he walked in the room, despite his awkward breathing, and there’s no way he could pull off that goth cape without his theme song. It’s sad, but true.

That’s why I’ve always wanted theme music. Sometimes, when I’m especially high, my brain obliges. I’ll be walking from point “A” to point “B,” and something groovy will start playing in my head. My walk will morph into a strut, and I’ll start humming “Stayin’ Alive” by The Bee Gees. The world around me will slow down and start to sparkle, and I’ll bob my head to the rhythm. And if that were to ever happen in the real-world, I’d know that I’ve arrived, because anybody who’s anybody has theme music.

Think about it. When the President of the United States steps up to the podium, he’s accompanied by brazen fanfare—an entire orchestra announces his arrival with pomp and circumstance. When Stephan Colbert steps on stage, his audience knows it thanks to his Late Show theme song. Hell, a couple years ago at The Oscars, Tom Hanks got pissed-off because the band played the Forest Gump song when he walked on stage instead of the song from whatever movie he starred in that week; Tom Hanks is so famous he has multiple theme songs. That’s just crazy. But now, The Greenery is catching up to his level, because we have a theme song too—put that in your box of chocolates, Mr. Gump.

Dexter Davis is a student at Arkansas State, an artist who goes by ICEberg Slim, and he sent us his song a few weeks back. It’s called “The Greenery,” and really, it’s just a happy coincidence; the song has nothing in common with our dispensary save for its title, and Slim has never walked through our door. But theme songs don’t just fall from the sky every day, so for this blog, at least, we’re coopting Slim’s song as our own. And the song is alright. It sounds like the type of music Shaft would wake-and-bake to—warm and scratchy, vinyl straight from the turntable, it’s an old-school stoner jam.

Listen to it here, and then come in to tell us what you think. Feel free to walk through our door humming your own personal theme song, because your best buds won’t judge you. We know exactly what it’s like having a theme song, thanks to Dexter Davis, and just like Darth Vader, The Greenery has arrived.

Dexter Davis, Iceberg Slim, marijuana song — Dexter Davis, aka ICEberg Slim, at a recent performance.

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Tag: best buds

How to Tell Your Children You Smoke Marijuana

How to Hide the Smell of Marijuana

Cannabis Science Update

A Good Day with Cannabis

The Greenery Hits a Theme Song