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Wake ‘n Bake

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Do you remember the Shake ‘n Bake commercials from the early nineties? If not, they were campy and ridiculous and awesome. A woman with a rabid smile would throw some raw chicken into a zip-lock bag full of Shake ‘N Bake and shake it maniacally, maintaining her insane smile throughout, and then she’d serve her stereotypical family while they cheered as if they were eating something other than crappy chicken made with a zip-lock bag. The screen would fade to black, and then boom! The “Shake ‘N Bake” logo would appear with an unforgettable jingle… I might be scarred for life. But that doesn’t matter, because “shake ‘n bake” became a part of our collective lexicon thanks to the affective advertising.

Flash forward to a few years later, and we stoners co-opted the term and changed it a bit to come up with “wake ‘n bake,” which is how we refer to smoking pot first thing in the morning. Seriously, there’s no better way to start a Saturday. I like to wake up, stretch, smoke, and then play with the kids, laughing into the early afternoon while cartoons play in the background; it’s the type of morning found at the end of a rainbow. Actually, that’s pretty much exactly how last Saturday went, but I didn’t smoke—I took the edible route, and it got me thinking that you, the ever-intrepid marijuana blog reader, might not know about all the wonderful wake ‘n bake options we have at The Greenery. So, this week, I decided to write about six products we sell that’re pretty much made for mornings because they’re discrete, effective, and easy to use. And here we go…

1.) Clockwork Coffee: Yeah, that’s right, we’re now selling instant, marijuana-infused coffee at The Greenery, and it’s awesome. It’s like a mad scientist sat down to combine THC and caffeine (arguably the two best substances on earth) and nailed it. Each serving contains 10 milligrams of THC, and this stuff stays true to its slogan: “more wakey, less shaky.” We also carry a balanced version containing five milligrams of THC and five milligrams of CBD, so if you’re looking for a little relief with your wake ‘n bake, this is the way to go.

2.) Dixie Awakening Mints: These are perfect for the lightweight wake ‘n bakers out there because each mint contains five milligrams of THC instead of the usual ten. Our Awakening Mints are perfect for the morning because they contain orange-peel zest, ginseng, Ginko leaf, and Matcha tea powder—if these don’t pick you up, you’re probably a zombie.

3.) Magic Buzz Energy Shots: This one might be my favorite. Each single-serving energy drink contains ten milligrams of THC, and these little bottles are bolstered with caffeine, taurine, and a bunch of vitamin B. We keep these chilled in our dispensary, so we sell them cold, and the “tropical blast” flavor pairs perfectly with any breakfast.

4.) Buzz Infused Honey: Never mind, this one is my favorite. Last Fathers’ Day, my wife put a packet of this in my morning coffee, and things got peachy real quick. Each single serving contains ten milligrams of THC and ten milligrams of CBD, and as far as versatile edibles go that can be used with just about anything, honey is hard to beat.

5.) Whitewater Gentle Green Tea. Morning people come in two types: tea drinkers and coffee drinkers, and we wouldn’t dare forget about the former group. Each single serving of this lightly-caffeinated green tea contains ten milligrams of THC. You just drop one of the infused teabags into a hot cup of water, let it steep for about five minutes, and then sip your way into a better day. It’s just good stuff.

6.) Lucid Mood Energy Sipper. As far as disposable vape pens go, this one’s a damn good deal. Each preloaded, disposable vape pen (or “sipper,” as Lucid Mood calls them) comes complete with two-hundred milligrams of hash oil that’s around 40% THC, 40% CBD, and 20% aromatherapy terpenes. The Energy sipper is infused with citrus botanicals, and I swear these things make the daytime brighter.

Fun, right? Here a The Greenery, we have the best assortment of marijuana edibles on the planet—we’ve spent years eating everything on the market and picking only the best for our menu—and if you come in to talk to one of our affable budtenders, he or she can steer you towards the best wake ‘n bake ever. After all, We’re Your Best Buds, and your morning high matters to us!

Mixing Marijuana

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When it came to buying pot yesteryear, you got what you got. The man would give you a bag full of unnamed weed, and you’d smoke it, not really knowing what was coming down the pipe—that bag didn’t come with a potency profile or a strain name, but that didn’t matter because nothing else was available. Those were dark days.

Seriously, can you imagine what it’d be like if all recreational drugs were sold like that? For instance, if you were in the mood for an indulgent red wine to pair with a ribeye, but booze was only sold out of a van behind Walmart, you might end up with some lukewarm Miller instead of a nice bottle of merlot… there’d be riots in the streets. And by way of analogy, the same rings true when it comes to marijuana, because different types of pot are better for different types of things: some strains work well for relaxation, which is perfect for the dark of night but not-so-perfect when you’re looking for a touch of inspiration, and some strains pick you up and get the thoughts flowing, which is perfect for daytime creativity, but ill-fitting for the moments when you simply want to pass out. Yes, most of these differences stem from the difference between Indica and Sativa, but it’s not always so straight-forward. And in that vein, if you come into our dispensary and tell one of our budtenders exactly what type of high you’re going for, they can point you in the right direction (seriously, our budtenders are like pot sommeliers).

However, here’s a secret: marijuana strain selection can be taken a step further if you dabble in mixing marijuana. As an example, I love the potency of Chemmy Jones, but the taste is a little over the top (as is the manic high that comes after only a few hits). So, whenever I end up with a little Chemmy, I grind it up and mix it with a fruitier strain like Blueberry. And yes, Chemmy is a Sativa and Blueberry is an Indica, so when you mix the two strains together, they meet in the middle and sing “Kumbaya” in your head (or at least that’s what it feels like because the high is so perfect). Anyway, my point in all this is that since we no longer have to buy pot out of a van—now that it’s possible to come into The Greenery and smell the weed before you buy it from a pot expert—mixing marijuana to find the perfect flavor and high is a possibility. These are bright days.

But wait, there’s more (did I just sound like a used car salesman?).  Now that we’ve opened The Greenery Hash Factory, you’re no longer limited to just mixing pot with pot: thanks to the bowl topper, the combinations are nearly limitless. As a quick aside, a “bowl topper” is any sort of concentrated marijuana product you sprinkle on top of the pot in your pipe to kick thigs up a bit. I apologize for relying so heavily on the cliché “pot and alcohol” type of comparison, but adding a bowl topper to your marijuana is like adding a shot of whisky to your beer, but without the shameful hangover. Anyway, back on track…

At The Greenery, we make and sell three different types of bowl-topping hashes that I would strongly recommend trying. We have Kief Brick, which is the most flavorful bowl topper because it’s compressed trichomes, we have Bubble Hash, which is the easiest to use because its powdery consistency is perfect for sprinkling, and we have Moroccan Hash, which is by far the coolest because it invokes all sorts of nostalgia stemming from the old-school way of concentrating marijuana. I won’t get any deeper into the differences between these hashes because I wrote about this subject in a different blog (which you can read HERE), and this week, I just wanted expand your high-horizons by letting you know that it’s perfectly okay to smoke two different strains of marijuana at once. Exciting, right? And just to get you going in the right direction, here’re three bowl-topped combinations that’re exceptional:

  • Bio Chem Flower topped with Purple Diesel Bubble Hash: this combo gives you the multiplied energy of two sativa-dominant products, and the rush is insane. If you’re looking for an intense head-high, you won’t find anything better. This flower comes from our own living-soil grow, and the hash comes from our factory, so I can tell you honestly that these products have been cultivated with precision.
  • Gorilla Glue #4 flower topped with Indica Blend Moroccan Hash. This combo is the polar opposite of number one: you’re gunna get a deep body high that’ll lock you in your couch and bring a good end to any bad day.
  • Deathstar Flower topped with Sativa Blend Kief Brick. This combination is all about meeting in the middle for the most complex high possible. Deathstar flower is as close as they come to a true Indica, so the body high is all-encompassing, but the Sativa kief brings with it giddiness and bright flavor.

As I’m typing this, all three of the combinations I just listed are available in our dispensary, but things sell out quickly, and our specific stains rotate almost daily so we can keep things fresh and interesting for you. So, if one of these combos isn’t available, just come in and talk with one of our knowledgeable budtenders. He or she will let you know what mixes best with what, and we’ll send you on your way with something new to try, because We’re your Best Buds, and your high matters to us.

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December’s Best Bud of the Month

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Chris “they call me Chitty” Chitwood
Manufacturing Facility Manager

About your Best Bud:

Chitty is the coolest person to ever come out of Arkansas. Seriously. From the narwhal tattoo on his calf to the astronaut helmet he wore at our last company party, Chitty is as rad as they come. And he’s the only person alive who can come across as professional in purple pants; that’s exactly what he did during this interview. But he can be serious too, because that’s what it takes to end up where Chitty has landed: in two years’ time, he has climbed from budtender to grow assistant to Manufacturing Facility Manager, and at twenty-four years’ of age, he’s now the man responsible for running The Greenery Hash Factory. If you’ve ever enjoyed any of the Moroccan Hash, Bubble Hash, Kief Brick, Rosin, or Caviar we sell in our dispensary, you did so thanks to Chitty’s hard work. And this month, we thought you should meet him:

Q. When did you start working for The Greenery?
Chris. “September of 2015.”

Q. What’s your favorite way to enjoy marijuana?
Chris. “I love our Kief Brick. It’s got all the flavors and terpenes from the original flower because it’s as close to unadulterated as it gets when it comes to concentrates, and it makes a perfect bowl-topper because it kicks you hard. It’ll also make a bowl usually big enough for only three people big enough for six, and that’s awesome.”

Q. What’s your favorite outdoor activity?
Chris. “I love skiing in the winter and I’m trying to get into snowshoeing, but I need some snow first. And I love rock climbing in the summer. I’m all about that dirt-bag life.”

Q. Tell us about your pet.
Chris. “I have no pets at the moment, unfortunately.”

Q. Which station do you stream while you’re working at The Greenery?
Chris. “I love crunchy jams and serious funk. Word.”

Q. What do you like most about working at The Greenery?
Chris. “I love the people, because we all get along and communicate. And I love the job itself, because it’s chill but challenging.”

The simple fact is that Chris Chitwood will be with The Greenery for quite some time because he’s one of the lucky young professionals who found his niche early in life right here in the marijuana industry. He’s a pleasure to work with because he doles out high-fives generously, and his easy-going manner makes the day fly by (not to mention that he brings value to this company by consistently pumping out the best hash this side of Amsterdam). Mr. Chitwood, we’re in your debt, and because of that, you’re December’s Best Bud!

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Buying Marijuana in Colorado for Nonresidents

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I sold marijuana to a man who showed me a license from Alabama when I asked for his I.D., and after I handed him his order, he just stood there and stared at the bag in his hands. The moment stretched on, seeming stranger by the second, so I asked if everything was okay.

“No,” he said, “It is not… I’m standing here holding this while my cousin is in prison back home for doing the exact same thing.”

His expression was complex, troubled. I’m sure he knew it was an injustice—the fact that people get locked up in brick boxes just for possessing a plant—before coming into our dispensary, but as he stood there holding legal marijuana, I think he felt it for the first time. And his face showed it. He wore this mashup look of frustration and indignation and profound confusion, and every single emotion he felt was justified: right now, there’re plenty of people in this country sentenced to life in prison for marijuana possession, and that’s a hard thing to wrap your head around when you’re standing in a marijuana store. Know what I mean? We all know there’s nothing wrong with pot, and we all know there are still places in this country that haven’t figured it out, but none of us really knows it until we’re connected. We never feel the deep depravity of the injustice until we have two personal things to compare, like a bag of pot in our hands juxtaposed against a cousin back home who won’t get out for another decade or two, just for holding some weed.

Anyway, the man and I talked about it for a while, I told him that I understood the way he felt, and then he turned to leave, still shaking his head dumbfoundedly as he walked through the door. But I kept thinking about the encounter long after the man left, and doing so helped me realize exactly how much I love Colorado. And no, I don’t love this place just because of the sensible marijuana laws, but rather, I love it because it’s the type of place that can have those laws in the first place. Get it? Our marijuana laws are just a symptom of how tolerant we are, how openminded—we’re not cool because we have legal weed, we have legal weed because we’re cool. It’s an important distinction to make, and frankly, it’s why so many tourists cross our border every year. In fact, we’ve broken our tourism record every year for the last five years, and now, nearly eighty-million people come to this state every year just to see how awesome it is, and they spend around nineteen-billion dollars along the way. We have wonderful people and wonderful scenery; we have wonderful weed and plenty of 420 friendly places where you can enjoy it. Do you think the man from Alabama could say the same thing about his home state? Well, that’s why he wore that look.

We have a large map on the wall in our dispensary, and when customers from out-of-state come in, they usually walk over to it, find the little dot they call home, and stick in a pin from the little box we keep stocked on the table right below. After three years, that map looks like a pincushion, and each one of the pins sticking here or there is like a testimony against illegal weed—if that map were a voodoo doll representing marijuana criminalization, it’d be dead by now, and weed would be legal everywhere. But it isn’t, and every day I work, I meet at least four people from out-of-state who’ve never shopped in a dispensary. After all, The Greenery is the closest dispensary to New Mexico, and we’re the closest dispensary to the Durango airport, so we’re usually the first stop for tourists who come in for a weekend spent where marijuana laws are reasonable. And these tourists usually ask the same question before shopping: “Um, I’m from out-of-state. Is it okay for me to buy marijuana?” Of course, I always say, “YES!” a little too emphatically, and then I tell them all the stuff I’m about to tell you…

It’s perfectly legal for nonresidents to buy marijuana in Colorado so long as they’re twenty-one years of age or older, and so long as they have a valid and acceptable form of identification. Driver’s licenses from all fifty states work, as do passports. Once upon a time, people from out-of-state weren’t allowed to purchase as much marijuana as Colorado residents, but that restriction is long-gone (once again, because Colorado is sensible). Nonresidents are allowed to buy up to one ounce of flower in a single purchase, but that’s not something you’ll need to worry about because we’ll never sell you in a single transaction more than you’re allowed to have on your person, because at The Greenery, we follow the Colorado marijuana laws down to the letter. Other than that, all you need to know is that marijuana can only be consumed on private property with the property owner’s permission, and it’s illegal to transport any marijuana products across state lines. Pretty straightforward, right?

But again, sometimes things like this don’t click until you’re standing there, holding something tangible, so please, if you have any questions after reading this, just give us a call at (970) 403-3710, or come in and talk to one of our friendly and knowledgeable budtenders. The Greenery is located at 208 Parker Avenue, Durango, Colorado 81303. We’ll tell you everything you need to know about marijuana, regardless of where you’re from, because We’re Your Best Buds!

A Breakdown of Cannabis Concentrates

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This week’s post is just gunna be a quick-and-dirty alphabetical listing of all the cannabis concentrates out there on the market, because one of the top-ten questions I hear as a budtender is “what’s the difference?” So, I wanted to write something short and simple you could use as a reference, if you needed to. As to the list itself, it’s important to remember that some concentrates can be dabbed, because they’re “full-burn” or “full-melt,” but some cannot (these work best as “bowl-toppers,” or concentrates you sprinkle on top of pot to kick things up a notch); I’ll make sure to tell you which ones are which. And here we go…

1.) Badder or Budder. This is exactly why things are so confusing when it comes to marijuana concentrates—the terms “badder” or “budder” deal with the consistency of a concentrate, not the concentrate itself. Cannabis oil can be whipped and heated into a consistency reminiscent of cake “batter” or room temperature “butter,” and that’s where the names come from (stoners replaced the t’s with d’s because that’s what you do when you’ve got bud on the brain).

2.) Bubble Hash. There’s no difference between “bubble hash” and “ice-water hash,” so the two terms are interchangeable. We make this concentrate at The Greenery Hash Factory by submerging marijuana in ice water and agitating it. The cold water freezes the trichomes on the surface of the plant matter, and the agitation breaks them free—once this is complete, we drain the slurry and run it through a series of filters. Then we collect, compact, and freeze the hash, before weighing it out and selling it to you for $40 a gram. This concentrate isn’t full-burn, so the best way to enjoy it is to sprinkle it on top of a bowl, or to mix some in with your flower when you roll a joint.

3.) Caviar. Caviar isn’t dabbable (did I just make up a word?) either, but it’s some of the best stuff on earth: a trifecta of potency, as we call it. This is another product we make in-house, and we do so by taking premium marijuana flower, painting it with oil, and then battering it in kief. You simply put it in your pipe and smoke it, and then forget about things for a while… all things. For a long while.

4.) Crumble. This is another one of those consistency-only concentrates: crumble is nothing more than wax with a different, honeycomb-like consistency.

5.) Crystalline. Quite plainly, this is the world’s strongest cannabis concentrate. Crystalline is a purified resin (which I’ll tell you about in number nine) consisting of 99.99% pure THC. Frankly, it’s like marijuana crack (but without the addiction and associated murder rate).

6.) Distillate. This concentrate is made by refining cannabis oil, but for it to be considered a true distillate, a still needs to be used (yes, just like the ones they use in the Ozarks to make moonshine). However, solvents can also be used in some instances. Distilling the oil purifies the concentrate, and makes it more potent. It can be dabbed or vaporized, but this concentrate is also used in many of the edibles on the market.

7.) Isolate. This concentrate is made by using chemicals to “isolate” the THC or CBD from marijuana plant matter. It can be smoked in a number of ways, but since isolates are most commonly white, powdery substances that dissolve instantly in water, this concentrate shows up in infused beverages more often than not.

8.) Kief, or Kief Brick. Kief is sometimes referred to as “dry-sift” because that’s the way it’s made. We make this one as well, and we do so by tumbling marijuana in a filter drum. Then we collect the kief (trichomes) and compress it into a brick which we sell for $30 a gram. This concentrate isn’t full-burn, but since all the marijuana terpenes live in the trichomes, kief is by far the most flavorful concentrate.

9.) Live Resin. This concentrate is made by flash-freezing an entire, living marijuana plant, and then by using a chilled solvent (butane) in the extraction process. I’m not going to get too deep into purge times or extraction techniques because your eyes would glaze over, but basically, frozen pot is stuffed into a huge metal tube through which cold butane is pumped. They open it up and scrape up the live resin, which once dried, looks like little crystals mixed with honey. Sometimes, you’ll hear people talk about marijuana “sugar,” but that’s just a form of live resin that has the consistency of granulated sugar. All live resin is full-burn.

10.) Moroccan Hash. This concentrate is made by decarboxylating (heating) kief, and kneading it with a little water. The final product is a darkened ball of awesomeness that’s enjoyed best on top of a bowl (you can’t dab it because it’s not full-burn). This one is my personal favorite, so much so that I wrote an entire piece about it you can read here.

11.) Oil. You’ll see many types of oil on the market, and they’re separated via the differing chemicals used during the extraction process; CO2 and Butane extracted oils are the most common. And you’ll hear a bunch of other names for marijuana oil like “CO2 oil,” “BHO,” which stands for “butane hash oil,” “hash oil,” “dragon tears,” which is just a proprietary name, or “dragon balls,” which is just a unit of measure (given that a dragon ball is a ten-thousand-dollar glass ball filled with 3,000 grams of high-THC oil, I doubt that you’ll get it mixed up with the other concentrates). Oil can be dabbed just like all the other full-burn extracts, but it can get pretty messy, so most people prefer to use a marijuana vape pen when smoking cannabis oil.

12.) Resin. This is the black stuff that accumulates inside your pipe that you scrape out and smoke with shame when you’re too broke to buy pot. We’ve all been there.

13.) Rosin. This stuff is way better than the last one, and it’s one of the only full-burn concentrates on the market that’s made without solvents. We make this one in our factory by compressing cannabis flower between two heated metal plates. The heat and pressure work in concert to squeeze out all the cannabinoid-rich “rosin,” which looks like light-brown tar. This one is dabbable (I’ve decided officially that “dabbable” is a word), and we always have rosin on our menu.

14.) Sap. This one is just oil with a thicker consistency—this stuff has the viscosity of tree sap, and that’s where the name comes from. Totally dabbable.

15.) Shatter. This concentrate is made in a tube or a vacuum purge oven just like live resin, but the temperatures are different. Butane is used when extracting this concentrate, and the final product is an amber, translucent sheet that looks like hard candy. And it’s easy to break, which is where the term “shatter” comes from. Also, totally dabbable.

16.) Wax. Wax looks and feels like wax, and it’s extracted just like shatter. Different temperatures in the purge stage produce differing consistencies, and wax is just shatter that was produced at a temperature leading to a fluffier, wax-like product. Technically, both “wax” and “shatter” are consistency-based names, and both concentrates are actually subsumed under the “BHO,” or “butane hash oil” category. But yes, you can dab wax all day long.

That’s it! I guess the list didn’t end up as “short and simple” as I planned, but worse things have happened. And as always, if you have any questions or concerns, please feel free to give us a call at (970) 403-3710, or come in and see us at 208 Parker Avenue, right here in Durango, Colorado. We’re Your Best Buds, and we’ll tell you all you need to know about the differences between cannabis concentrates; all you need to do is ask.

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Moroccan Hash by The Greenery Hash Factory
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Kief Brick by The Greenery Hash Factory
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Bubble Hash at The Greenery Hash Factory

Marijuana Gift Baskets

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I have the same first name as my brother-in-law. I’ve known him for most of my life—we grew up together in a rather remote part of Alaska, friends long before we became family—and we’ve always shared that strange rivalry that lives between two people with the same first name. He calls me “#2,” in a spot-on Dr. Evil voice, and I call him a whole litany of things that’re much worse. And in another odd little twist of coincidence, we’re both in the marijuana industry: my brother-in-law is a hipster who grows medical marijuana legally in the forests of California (wrongly thinking that his pot is the best), and I sell the stuff just as legally here in Colorado, when I’m not sitting behind this keyboard writing about it.

However, I don’t see my brother-in-law that often because his job isn’t as easy as it sounds, and I’m mired in the mountains of Colorado by all the stuff that makes me an adult. So, when we get together, it’s usually over the holidays. And when we give gifts, they’re usually marijuana-related (I’m sure you saw that one coming). If I go there, he gives me more pot than a person can handle, but that’s understandable given that he has a whole terraced mountainside to play with. And when he comes here, I sit him down at my dining room table and spread in front of him a panoply of pot and paraphernalia. I give him edibles and concentrates and the best marijuana in Durango, and we frolic through it virtually, getting high throughout the holidays.

For the record, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with using marijuana to celebrate the holidays. Alcohol usually gets all the attention thanks to hot-buttered rums and spiced wines and eggnog that’ll blur your vision, but that stuff just fills you up and slows you down, and one drink too many will put the “regret” in “season’s greetings” (it’s in there, I think). That’s why I like getting high instead. I like the way the Christmas lights sparkle and multiply with a head full of sativa haze; I like the way decadent food tastes richer during a deep Indica body high; I like the way a houseful of relatives becomes bearable thanks to any sort of marijuana. And above all else, I love the fact that gifting marijuana for the holidays is legal.

But it hasn’t always been this way. I’ve known my brother-in-law for nearly three decades, but we’ve only shared a few years of legal gift giving. Once upon a time, I’d have to give him pot the old-fashioned way, lowkey while the older relatives were snoring on the couch, too stuffed to notice. We’d have to smoke it outside in the cold Alaskan harshness, and then we’d sneak inside, hoping that grandma’s potpourri would cover the smell of our pot. However, none of that matters now, because pot is perfectly legal. If you feel like it, you can stuff stockings with cannabis, wrap boxes full of bud, or put your mom’s bourbon balls to shame with a box full of infused turtle brownies. These are wonderful times.

And this year, I’m stepping things up a little bit when my brother-in-law comes to town, because at The Greenery, we’re selling marijuana gift sets all throughout the holiday season. Yeah, that’s right, you can now walk into a dispensary and get a gift bag that’ll be appreciated for sure, because marijuana will make merry any Krampus, and it’s the one gift you’ll give this year that you know for a fact won’t be returned (and not just because it isn’t legal to do so). Anyway, we’re offering seven different gift sets, and here’s the breakdown:

1.) Flower Flight. Just like a flight of craft microbrews, this set runs the gamut. It includes 1 gram of CBD rich marijuana (like our CBD Mango Haze, which is just as festive as it sounds), 1 gram of our house-made Caviar, and 3 grams of your choice. This set will run you between $78.58 and $82.86 before tax, depending on flower choice.

2.) Sativa Flower Flight. Remember, Sativa is the strain that gives you energy, and this set would be perfect for Christmas morning. It’ll run you between $57 and $63 before tax depending on your selections, and you’ll get 4 different grams of the best Sativa flower on the planet.

3.) Indica Flower Flight. This one is the antithesis of number two, but for the same price, you’ll get four grams of deeply relaxing Indica, all bagged up and ready to give to that certain someone who needs to chill the hell out for the holidays.

4.) Sleep Gift Set. This one is $85.20 after tax, and it includes 1 LucidMood Sleep (which is an awesome, preloaded vape pen), 1 Magic Buzz Sleep (a single-serving infused drink with melatonin), 1 Indica MarQaha Tincture, and 1 Indica pre-rolled joint (which contains 1 gram of nighttime flower).

5.) Relax Gift Set. This one is $78 after tax, and it includes 1 LucidMood Relax, 1 single-serving infused hot chocolate with marshmallows, 1 box of Dixie Relaxing Mints, and 1 Indica pre-rolled joint.

6.) Party Gift Set. For $86.40 after tax, you’ll get a two-pack of Toast slices, 1 sucker (the flavor is up to you), 1 pack of Clockwork infused coffee (one of these days, I’m going to write an entire post about how awesome marijuana coffee is in the morning), and 1 Caviar pre-rolled joint. Seriously, this gift set is aptly named.

7.) Adventure Gift Set. This set was custom built for Durango. For $85.20 after tax, you’ll get 1 LucidMood Energy, 1 Chapstick (yes, they make marijuana Chapstick), 1 package of Sativa Granola, and 1 Sativa pre-rolled joint.

As a bonus, if you come in and buy one of these sets for someone, we’ll throw in a $1 pre-rolled joint just for you because you’re so thoughtful (between you and me, there’s no way we’ll know if you’re buying the gift set for yourself, because who’s to say you don’t deserve it?). Of course, there are limitations and restrictions, so please come into our store for details (sorry for sounding like a commercial).

And finally, for the first time ever, we’ll also be selling loadable gift cards at The Greenery. Yes, actual gift cards you can load with any amount, just like the ones you get at coffee shops, but ours are better, you know… because “marijuana.” How cool is that? Everyone I know always seems to end up with a stack of plastic cards after the holidays, usually ones that’re only good for eating out or shopping online, but now, one of those cards will actually buy its recipient marijuana, as long as that recipient is 21 years or older with a valid ID. Like I said, these are wonderful times.

Anyway, this Christmas, I’m going to buy my brother-in-law the Flower Flight gift set. I’m going to walk in and pay for it, let one of our knowledgeable budtenders pack it up in a discrete brown paper bag with green tissue paper (just like they’ll do for you), I’m going to put a tag on it that says “to you, from #2,” and I’m going to smile like a winner when he smokes what’s inside and is forced to admit that Colorado pot is simply better than the west-coast stuff he grows in the woods. Sure, my gift set is going to come with an “I told you so,” but yours doesn’t have to.

So please, come in and see what I’m talking about. This year, any of our friendly budtenders can help you find that perfect gift for just about anyone, because We’re Your Best Buds, and we do the holidays right.

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November’s Best Bud of the Month

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Zach Goldsmith
Production Assistant

About your Best Bud:

If you’ve purchased flower from The Greenery, chances are, Zach held it before you did. He most likely looked at it under the huge, lighted magnifying glass that’s mounted to the stainless-steel table in our pre-weigh room. He most likely held it gingerly with those blue rubber gloves that stay on his hands always while he’s handling our flower. And then he most likely set it on one of our scientifically calibrated scales, making sure the weight was within one-fiftieth of a gram from where it needed to be, before putting it in one of our air-tight bottles, just for you.

Isn’t that odd? Someone you’ve most likely never met spent his day making sure the flower you smoked was perfect, but he did it behind the scene, kind of like that wizard at the end of his yellow-brick road. It’s true that Zach will occasionally come out to help customers when we’re busy, so there’s a chance you’ve seen his blue gloves and easy-going smile, but for the most part, Zach is the man who keeps our business cranking by cutting stems and putting buds in bottles and stocking our shelves with the best marijuana in Durango. He does it all behind closed doors in a room he keeps clean enough for surgery—this guy really does go further than most to make sure your pot is perfect—so this week, we decided you should meet him:

Q. When did you start working for The Greenery?
Zach. “May of this year. Actually, November first was my six-month anniversary.”

Q. What’s your favorite way to enjoy marijuana?
Zach. “I love our caviar. Seriously. Caviar and the bong; that’s how I do.”

Q. What’s your favorite outdoor activity?
Zach. “I like chilling in the hammock.”

Q. Tell us about your pet.
Zach. “Sadie is a fourteen-years-old Rhodesian/Ridgeback mix. She’s a descendant from the dogs bread by Dutch settlers in Africa by crossing Great Danes with local, wild dogs to fight lions. But Sadie is tiny (there might be some terrier in the mix), so a lion would probably win.”

Q. Which station do you stream while you’re working at The Greenery?
Zach. “You know I’m listening to those seventies hits all day.”

Q. What do you like most about working at The Greenery?
Zach. “I love that we’re a team. It’s awesome to be a part of this. We’re always communicating and having meetings, and we all work perfectly together: teamwork makes the dream work.”

Sure, Zach has only been with us for six months, but The Greenery just doesn’t feel like The Greenery when he’s not there. When he is, the seventies music he loves so much barely covers up the sound he and Savanna make by bickering like children who’re begging for a time out; one of the many sounds that makes The Greenery feel like home when you work here. And he’s going to be around for quite some time. He’s one of the lucky young members of this newest generation who’s settling in on the ground floor of this burgeoning industry, and he takes his job seriously, always making sure that the only thing rivaling his attention to detail in the pre-weigh room is his excellent customer service. Zach is simply a good human being with an awesome sense of humor, he’s a big part of the reason the team he loves so much works so well, and he dedicates his time to ensuring that our quality and compliance surpass the other places in town. Because of all of this, Zach Goldsmith is Your Best Bud for November. Thank you, Zach!

Dabbing Marijuana

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This newest generation seems to think they came up with “dabbing,” but maybe that’s just the way it’s always been—maybe the youth has always sapped credit from the people who came before thanks to short memories. After all, “Flatliners” is in the theaters again, with a new cast of pretty millennials acting out a carbon-copy plot from the eighties movie I remember, and Disney just announced that they’re remaking “Flight of the Navigator,” which is simply sacrilegious, if you ask me. Actually, “The Magnificent Seven” just came out for the third time, if you’re keeping track, and something was stolen from my father’s generation that they stole from the generation before. Everything old is being made anew, and it’s no different when it comes to smoking pot.

I’ll take a step back and explain: “dabbing” is the newest term for smoking full-burn marijuana concentrates. And I know this subject can get a little convoluted, so I’m going to walk through it step by step just in case you’re a complete newbie. A “full-burn” concentrate is something like rosin, shatter, wax, or live-resin. I’m not going to get into the specific differences between these four concentrates because that’s a subject deserving a separate blog, but basically, these concentrates are made by extracting the cannabinoids (the stuff that gets you high) from all the green plant matter you think of when you picture marijuana. When you smoke a full-burn concentrate, all of it evaporates and nothing is left behind, ergo, “full-burn.”

But you can’t smoke a full-burn concentrate conventionally because it’ll just melt—if you try to smoke something like wax with a pipe and lighter, it’ll just turn into liquid and pool in the bottom of your pipe, which is nothing more than a messy waste of money. So, you need to “dab” it. And this is where we get back on track: my generation called dabbing “knife hits.” We’d take two butter knives and get them red-hot over the stove, and then we’d press them together with some hash in between. The hot knives would vaporize the hash and we’d breathe in the smoke. And yes, we even knew how to make full-burn hash with an iron and wax paper, so you whippersnappers didn’t come up with that, either.

Anyway, a decade or so after knife-hits faded in popularity, the Atlanta hip-hop scene started to mature. A new dance came out in 2012 called “dabbing,” wherein you’d duck your forehead into the crook of your arm while sticking your other arm straight out to the side; Cam Newton made the move famous because he did it every time he scored a touchdown for the Carolina Panthers. But the “dab” didn’t come from sports or hip-hop, because the gesture is meant to look like what someone does after taking a huge concentrate hit: you turn your head into your elbow and cough like the world is ending, and you hold the other arm out as if to say, “dear god, keep that stuff away from me” (or at least, that’s where most people on the internet think it comes from). “Dabbing” was associated with smoking marijuana long before the dance came out (regardless of what the dance’s inventor, “Skippa Da Flippa,” might have to say about it), and the move is just another dance in a long line of dances meant to emulate everyday motions, like the “running man,” the “lawnmower,” or the timeless “bump-and-grind.” And it’s not even the first marijuana-related motion dance to pop up because people have been “passing it to the left” ever since that reggae song came out in the eighties.

However, when it comes to dabbing marijuana, I must admit that this newest generation has taken something we invented and made it much, much better. Now, instead of knives and a cooktop, we use a dab rig. Basically, these rigs have a “nail” that you heat up with a small blowtorch (these nails can be made from glass, ceramics, or metals like titanium). And then you “dab” a little of your concentrate onto the nail (which sits where the bowl of a pipe or bong used to be) and inhale the smoke. It’s easy and clean and ridiculously potent. Since all of the plant matter has been taken out of the equation, a few of the concentrates currently on the market come close to 99% per THC content, and that’s insane. The high is mind-bendingly intense and it hits you quick and pure, like only a concentrate can. At the Greenery, we have basic dab rigs that start around fifteen bucks and a complete line of full-burn concentrates. If you come in, we’ll show you how to put the two together.

But quite a few people are put-off by the idea of using a blowtorch to smoke pot—to them, it feels a little superfluous and strange, a little over-the-top. And because of this, I’ve noticed that most dabbers over thirty prefer a handheld vaporizer like the Cloud V that we sell in our store for around sixty bucks. Frankly, I’m one of these “people over thirty,” and I doubt that I’d dab if I had to use a blowtorch. I prefer discretion: the Cloud V is battery-operated and it fits in your pocket. It has a little ceramic bowl and a heating element; all you do is load it and push a button and inhale. It couldn’t be simpler.

But just like with everything else pot-related, it’s what you put in your pipe that matters, not the pipe itself. You’ll hear me talk about this quite a bit from now on, but recently, our company expanded to include The Greenery Hash Factory, and we’ve started making our own concentrates. And just like the flower that comes out of our grow, our concentrates are the best on the market. But we’re doing it the old fashion way—without the use of caustic solvents that’re inimical to flavor—so only one of our concentrates is full-burn: our Rosin.

We make our Rosin with nothing more than heat and extreme pressure: premium flower is squeezed with a heated pneumatic press (it’s an amped-up version of the iron and wax paper I told you about previously) and the thick, gooey goodness called Rosin seeps out of the flower. We sell it for $60 a gram before tax, and it’s worth every penny. The batch I have loaded in my Cloud V right now comes from Chemmy Jones flower, and it comes in at 75.9% THC, which is incredible because we didn’t use the chemicals commonly associated with high-THC concentrates. But it is what it is, and at close to seventy-six percent THC, just a little dab will do ya’ when you’re smoking our Rosin (and yes, I know I just stole an advertising slogan from my parents’ generation, but whatever).

Our Rosin really is worth trying if you’ve never “dabbed” as the millennials are calling it these days, because the flavor, convenience, and potency surpass old-school hash by a country mile, regardless of who thought of it first. So please, come in and let us show you what you’ve just read about—let us introduce you to something new, something better than what you’re used to. We’re Your Best Buds, and when it comes to dabbing, that’s what we do.

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The Greenery Grow

I was a teenager the first time I saw a marijuana plant. It was a sickly thing, growing stunted and slightly brown in an Alaskan basement, but it was still wonderful.

My friend had modified his chest-of-drawers. He’d taken the fronts off each drawer, and then he’d nailed them back onto the front of his bureau. And then he’d hinged the entire front face of his chest-of-drawers so it would open, like some sort of secret enclave. He’d drilled a hole in the back and wired it for electricity, and then he’d lined the inside with tinfoil to make it reflective. A single grow light had been hung in the top, and a fan was attached right below it. In the dark of night, glowing light escaped from the cracks in my friend’s modified bureau and the whole thing hummed with the fan’s white noise—my friend’s chest-of-drawers looked and sounded haunted, as if a porthole to another dimension were contained inside instead of a growing plant. It was downright Narnian.

And it really was mystical the first time I saw my friend’s contraption. He took me down into his basement—we told his parents we were doing homework—and he stood in front of his chest-of-drawers with a wide smile, looking like a gameshow host about to do a big reveal. He unlatched the front of his bureau and then he swung it open while singing out a single note, as if what he was showing me were holy: the inside of my friend’s invention was gleaming golden with a little green plant right in the middle, and it blew my mind. My friend was MacGyver! How the hell had he figured out a way to grow marijuana in his parent’s house without them noticing? How’d they overlooked the fact that my friend had stopped putting away his clothes because he’d turned his chest-of-drawers into a grow room? I was dumfounded, and twenty years later, I still shake my head in awe when I think back to that moment.

But the first time I saw a growing pot plant was nothing like the most recent time: our head grower gave me a tour of The Greenery’s Grow, and the experience was so striking that I simply had to write about it. For the record, marijuana is a weed, plain and simple. If you walked by a ditch and threw in a few pot seeds like a cooler version of Johnny Appleseed, they’d eventually sprout and grow into flowering marijuana. But ditch-weed is a far cry from the flower that a master grower can produce, and the product that comes from our grow is simply the best in town because our cultivation team takes the art seriously:

Before walking into our facility, Mike had me step into a shallow rubber tray containing a mild solution of bleach and water. And before walking further, I had to step on a huge mat of sticky paper (kind of like flypaper for humans) to remove all the unwanted particulates from the outside world that might’ve hitched a ride on my shoes. Once inside, it felt like I was standing in a laboratory. There were professionally labeled metallic tents everywhere, looking like they came straight from NASA. There was a huge bottle of CO2 secured to the outside of the building; it pumped in regimented amounts of the gas pot-plants like to eat. There was a maze of custom air conditioning ductwork webbing across the ceiling; there were light-emitting ceramic lights humming above the plants like artificial suns; there were professionally constructed trellises around the plants and mounted fans to give the plants healthy stress. And the plants themselves were beautiful: huge colas of crystalline flower bowing their stems with weight, perfuming the air with an intoxicating smell. Everything was perfect, and the amount of thought and effort and science that went into our grow facility made me proud to be a part of this company, if I’m being honest, because this sort of thing matters. And I’ll tell you why.

Every so often, someone will come into our dispensary looking for a specific strain, and last Friday, one such man came in looking for True Berry. No kidding, he said it was the “best strain for meditative flute playing.” I smiled, told the man he was in luck, and then I let him smell a sample of our Greenery-grown True Berry. And as soon as I did, I could see via his expression that that he’d found something unexpected. His eyes got wide and he looked up, saying with his face that this was the best pot he’d ever smelled. So, I told him all about it, and I told him about our grow. I told him how we use living soil instead of hydroponics, and I told him that we use predatorial bugs instead of insecticides. I told him that we grow it in small batches, just like distilling fine whiskey, and I told him that he wouldn’t find a better True Berry flower anywhere else in the world. And because of the effort put in by our growers, I wasn’t lying.

So please, if you’d like to experience what it’s like to smoke something grown with true skill in a real grow facility (or if you’re looking for the best meditative-flute-playing marijuana in the world), just check out our menu to see if we’re selling Greenery-grown True Berry. And then come in so one of our budtenders can show you exactly what I’m talking about. You’ll see that we really do have the best pot in town, and you’ll see why we say We’re Your Best Buds!

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Colorado Marijuana Laws

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Every so often, after I’ve sold someone marijuana in our dispensary and handed over his or her order, he or she will look at me as if they’ve been left holding the bag (quite literally). He or she will hold their pot like it might bite, and then he or she will confess: “Um… this is my first time buying marijuana legally… what’re the rules?”

Honestly, I’ve had to assure customers in the past that they wouldn’t be arrested as soon as they left—as if our store were nothing more than a trap rigged by the man—and I understand; one hundred years’ worth of nonsensical marijuana laws are bound to make the first-time shopper a little nervous. So, when I encounter the “now what?” type of question, I always do my best to assuage the fears associated with purchasing marijuana, and I give those first-time shoppers a little legal lecture that goes something like this:

“Here at The Greenery, we always staple your bag shut with the receipt on the outside—as soon as we do this, your purchase becomes a ‘closed container,’ and so long as you keep it that way and out of the driver’s reach, you’re good-to-go regarding traffic stops.” At this point, I usually staple the bag for emphasis, and then I continue…

“And it’s perfectly legal to possess the amount I’ve sold you. But in case you were wondering, in Colorado, you can legally possess a maximum of either one ounce of marijuana flower, eight-hundred milligrams of edibles, eight grams of concentrate, or any combination thereof that does not exceed the ‘marijuana equivalency rules.’ For example, you’re allowed to have on your person a half-ounce of flower, two grams of concentrate, and two-hundred milligrams of edibles. But you don’t need to worry about that when you shop here because we will never sell you more in a single transaction than you’re allowed to possess.” This is usually when my fearful first-timer will start to relax…

“Also, you must be 21 or over with a valid ID proving as much to purchase or possess marijuana, but you already knew that because I carded you when you walked in the door. And it’s important to remember that it’s a felony to give or sell marijuana to a minor.”

For the record, this is one of the longstanding marijuana laws that I agree with wholeheartedly. I have a teenaged daughter, and another one who isn’t far behind, so I have strong opinions when it comes to children and marijuana. And just like with alcohol, kids will walk around “tapping shoulders,” as they call it, asking grownups to go to the dispensary for them. It’s important for first-timers and regulars alike to know that saying “yes” is a federal offence, and at The Greenery, we simply will not sell to a customer who we suspect might’ve had his or her shoulder tapped. Anyway, moving on…

“When it comes to driving, it’s important to remember that it’s illegal for a driver or passenger to consume or use marijuana in a vehicle, and just like with alcohol, it’s illegal to drive under the influence of marijuana. The legal limit is five nanograms of THC per milliliter of blood, and it’s very easy to get to this limit, so please don’t smoke and drive.”

At this point, the first-timer is usually completely at ease, but they might have a follow up question or two, like, “well, if I can’t smoke in my car, where can I smoke?”

“Well,” I say, “it’s illegal to consume marijuana in public. You’re only allowed to smoke or consume marijuana on private property with the property owner’s permission. If you’re staying at a hotel, just ask someone at the front desk if it’s okay, because plenty of the establishments in Durango are 420 friendly.”

And that’s about it. I’ll ask if there are any other questions, I’ll answer them if there are, and then the first-timer and I will part ways, usually with a handshake. Today, I simply wanted to be proactive and write about Colorado’s marijuana rules and regulations because you might be a potential first-timer, and this is stuff you need to know. But if it’s still a little foggy, just check out Good to Know for more information. Or, if you’d prefer, just stop by our dispensary; we have flyers in our store you can take for free that sum up everything you just read. And as always, please don’t ever be afraid to come in and ask one of our affable budtenders about the rules and regulations. We’ll make sure your first-timer frown turns upside-down, because We’re Your Best Buds, and that’s what we do.